Bad Mum

Magazine

22 December 2016

Does your man go clubbing?

This is a post I wrote a while back now but it still is relevant. The women of Instagram are well and truly taking over the world and about bloody time too. For the first time ever men are behind in this field...you men already took the cooking world (who would of thought it) so let us keep this title for a while! 

But some men STILL don't like a woman in charge and with a voice; a powerful one at that. 

So, ladies keep doing what you are doing and keep conquering the world. And, men, keep up if you can! 


Does your man go clubbing?


Not the dance-the-night-away-drink-too-much-glow-sticks-type!

I mean the club-you-over-the-head-before-you-speak-too-much-drag-back-to-cave-eat-dinosaur-meat kind?

Mine doesn't. He let's me speak, have a voice and the best part, he has my back no matter what my opinion is.

You're lucky, you say?

No, not really! Our relationship isn't in the dark ages and we don't have a pet dinosaur either (even though that part would be cool!)

I don't sit around carving my thoughts onto the wall just hoping someone will see them one day and when they do they can't make head nor tail of them!

With me the writing is on the wall, on the internet, in the news paper and shouted from mountain top too!!

I am writing this because of lately I have come across some compete tits (I am being very kind) on the internet.

Now, who would have thought men still don't like a woman with an opinion? That naive stupidity still exists. That us woo-men (cave slang) must be seen but not heard and the men are looked at to shut us up quickly and quietly... Sod off!!

Of course this does not appeal to all men and I never brush you all with the same brush this just goes to the odd few out there.

I have been in a few slagging off matches lately and I must admit I won most of them which I will admit I am proud off. I may of won with bitter determination and lots of sarcasm but even so don't push me. I've been pushed around for way too long and now I will not take a small minded little boy thinking I am stupid because I am a woman with boobies.

I have my own mind, my own opinion and my own voice and I am very capable of using all three at the same time as us girls are bloody amazing at multi tasking... Yay! Go us!!

We can have babies, wash up and think at the same time, who would have thought it!!

In the last 2 weeks I've had said to me...

"Thanks for shitting another child out into society"

"Not believing in God you've chose to die"

"Your a bad (also terrible) mother"

"Slag/slut"

There was more but you get the drift. All because I spoke up and wouldn't let the men chat and because I attract the crazy people like bees to a jam pot!

Seriously girls (everyone) please speak up! Have your say, write a comment, join in and don't let someone get bullied. Only a couple of people helped me and not one women helped me out (when the men were telling me I was a bad Mum...) Yes, I do realise some people don't want to get involved and that's cool too but please don't loose your voice to bullies.
 


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21 December 2016

Huge welcome to...

Today I have Barbara back again from kelsokidspooflingerpaparazzi on Instagram. This guest post relates to me at the moment! 

Over to you lovely! 

Papa playtime requires protective gear

My husband, Jamie, is meticulous and cautious by nature and trade. He spends his days as an engineer and prides himself on being thorough, accurate, and heading off trouble. Then there’s his play time with Owen.
Owen has no sense of fear. He’ll jump from anything and run head long without sensing any imminent danger or potholes or dog poop or moving cars or – you get the idea. So horse play with him needs to be in an area that’s clear of tripping hazards, glassware, pointed objects, sharp corners, anything valuable and preferably padded. Yet between the two of them every impromptu game ends in Owen injuring himself in SNL-worthy pratfalls. 
Papa comes up with fun games like let’s doh-see-doh until you’re ready to puke and I’ll set you loose to run face-first into a baby gate. Oh the irony of injuring yourself on safety equipment. 
Don’t ask why there’s a tortoise. Ask what Owen plans on doing to the tortoise.
Then there’s Owen’s dog like impulses. If you put something on his head he doesn’t necessarily swat it off but runs quickly to make it fall off. Jamie came up with the fun game of putting his dirty laundry on his son’s head. Owen ran screaming, blinded by a pitted out t-shirt, directly into a dresser. I can’t say I blame him. I might have ran into traffic given what he was trying to outrun.
There’s the lesser games to, let’s-shake-you-into-your-pants, this one ends either with maniacal laughter that leads to a later injury or a full face plant into the floor. Or wheelies on his tricycle, wheelbarrow crawling off of furniture, swinging by his ankles, and tickle fests after eating or just before bed so he runs into the wall like a short circuiting wind-up toy.
For once I’m the wet blanket, the worrier, the naysayer. I don’t like this new role. It suits me like skinny jeans, not at all. It’s no wonder he scales the baby gate crying out “dada!” I’m that awful woman who keeps him out of the ER, except for that one time… but baby teeth fall out eventually and he likes to wear hats.
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20 December 2016

MeetOtherMums

Hi all, 

Recently while scrolling through Instagram I found an amazing lady called Sally from MeetOtherMums who has started up the website MeetOtherMums.com so no Mum ever walks alone in this parenting world but better then that, this website is for anyone and everyone...you don't need to be a parent to join! 

On top of that, Sally has started up #MumFriendMarch to empower Mum's to help other Mum's. 

I caught up with Sally and this is what she has to say; 

Hi Sally! So what exactly is MeetOtherMums and why did you start it?


MeetOtherMums is a national friendship matching site for mums of all ages at all stages – we put the fun and friendship into parenting so that no mum walks alone.

Joining is completely free and your profile will automatically match you with mums in your local area.  You can then review their profiles and decide who looks like your sort of mum!  We give you the option of filling in loads of profile information to help make that all important mum friend decision easier for you!

The site is also jam packed full of blogs, chat, social events, forums and private groups.

I started MeetOtherMums at around the time I was trying to decide whether to try for children.  A lot of the sites out there require you to be pregnant or already have kids to join and felt a bit exclusive.  Combined with that a lot of my friends were telling me how isolating being a mum can be and the idea took hold.  The site is for mums of all ages at all stages, so if you are trying to conceive, struggling with fertility issues or have a brood the size of a football team – all are welcome!

My fertility journey does not look like it will have a happy ending, with IVF and lost pregnancies behind me I’m coming to terms with the fact that I may never get to actually be a mum myself.  

By creating MeetOtherMums I have been welcomed into the mummy community, giving me a glimpse of what life is like, a small shimmer of how it feels and a big dose of love and happiness.

I am so sorry to hear that Sally, my heart really does go out to you and you will always be welcome in the Mummy community because you have such a kind soul.

What exactly is the #MumFriendMarch and what do we need to do?

The #MumFriendMarch empowers mums to help other mums by spreading the word about MeetOtherMums and how easy it is to make friends so that no mum feels lonely.  Mums who join the march will be gifted a #MumTribe T in exchange for handing out flyers and generally letting mums know about our service.  It’s a figurative march…we won’t actually be hitting the streets together (although the thought has crossed my mind!!).  It’s a coming together of mums, working together to combat loneliness.


I am pretty sure many women would join you on a march! 

Thank you Sally and I look forward to wearing my T shirt with pride. Please help Sally in spreading the word and helping all the Mama's by showing we are not alone and never will be. 


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Huge welcome to...

Today I have a guest post from Rebekah from bump2baby2 on Instagram. 

This post is supporting the PANDAS charity which I am very pleased to give this important charity all the attention it deserves! 

I also wrote an article about the #MumBag campaign which supported PANDAS charity and you can find that here

Over to you Rebekah! 

Imperfect is the new Black Friday


My first proper post about motherhood �� so I will start as I mean to go on by being 100% honest about who and where I am right now...




I'm loving the #ImperfectIsTheNewBlack campaign on social media at the moment. Its all in in aid of Pre and Post Natal Advice and Support UK (PANDAS Foundation UK). Headed up by these fab ladies on Instagram:

Its about creating a supportive online space for parents, stripping back social media falsities of 'perfect' parenting and showing the ugly truth!

Every morning I take one of these: 

    


Fluoxetine (Prozac) is an antidepressant which I've been taking for about 3 months now...but I have never actually felt 'depressed' - I am lucky enough to have everything I could ever want (apart from an endless supply of money!!)so how could I possibly have Post Natal Depression (PND)?! But as my GP eventually told me: 

"Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain - not a reflection of how grateful you are for your life."

Looking back I think its something I've had since Henry's birth in 2014, I just did a good job concealing it with work, parenting, life and then having another baby.

Getting through the door of the doctor's and asking for help wasn't easy, it took a drunken night at the pub with the girls, one too many bottles of wine, a lengthy group heart to heart in the street outside our local wine shop (following our eviction from the pub - glamorous irony at its very best) and then a chat with my health visitor to convince me I was not OK. 

My main symptom was the feeling that I was sleepwalking through some of the best years of my life (so far); regretting time I could never get back, feeling guilty about not being fully present or enjoying things like I once would have. I was unattached from my life to the point of rationalising everything that happened to me, no matter how good/bad/big/small I could brush it off - but if anyone else was in the same situation I would've been concerned, sympathetic, and actually care. Since visiting the doctor I have discovered I also had the following PND symptoms:

·  feeling emotionally numb
·  irritable/easily angered 
·  food aversions
·  low mood
·  not looking forward to things
·  looking for ways to get out of going out
·  constantly feeling not good enough 

Long story short I am now medicated with the antidepressant, have weekly counselling to deal with some other underlying issues and I FEEL BETTER ��. I'm not cured, but the turnaround in my mood has taken weeks not months and every other mum I've opened up to about this has admitted similar symptoms, thoughts or feelings and being afraid of tackling it.

So...please spread the word, join the imperfect bus with me and talk about how you're feeling. ITS OK NOT TO BE OK!


Join in and share your imperfect moments with #imperfectisthenewblack and help mums with Post Natal Depression.

Text PANDAS £3 to 70660 and donate to PANDAS.

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19 December 2016

Huge welcome to my first Bad Dad!!

I am very pleased to say I have my very first Bad Dad featuring on Bad Mum today!! 

It is so good that Dad's are getting the word out and joining us Mum's in being honest about the ups and downs of this parenting lark! 

This is Adam from The Honest Dad on Instagram! 


The positives to your missus not drinking.


Adjusting to pregnancy has been pretty interesting for both me and the missus. My life hasn’t changed hugely from day to day, but hers obviously has loads. We aren’t massive drinkers, but not being allowed to drink has left a weird hole in our time - I guess drinking is just one of those things you take for granted. Don’t get me wrong, I can still drink but I feel a bit differently about it. Recently, we have been doing loads of different stuff instead…and I like it. 
Sunday breakfast
Surfacing before midday on a Sunday isn’t something either of us did after a heavy one on the jungle juice. Since my wife has been pregnant, we have so much more time at the weekends. We aren’t groggy anymore and we have more cash, so we go for mega Sunday breakfasts. It doesn’t sound as wild as a heavy one out, but it more than makes up for it. We have discovered some amazing places that we didn’t know existed and as sad as it sounds, it’s because we don’t drink as much. Beautiful breakfast – big plus.
Trying different things
I literally love a pint. Like any time. Life should be gravy at the moment as I always have a designated driver… but instead of drinking more, I’m finding because my wife is way more adventurous with drinks, I get bevvy envy so I don’t instantly opt for a pint. There is only so much Diet Coke a person can face so as the missus diversifies her drinks more so do I. I’m trying fresh juices and having milkshakes etc. I’m not dropping the beers, oh no, no, no; but this pregnancy thing has really opened my eyes to the huge array of drinks in the world other than beer.
Walking
If you asked us if we were outdoorsy, we would say kind of. We live in town but both of our sets of parents live out in the sticks and we were brought up in the country. Before the pregnancy we tried to get out a bit, but we didn’t feel bad if we just lazed around at the weekend, especially if a drink was involved. Now we make a real effort to go to the beach or the forest or even just across some fields for a walk. I think the idea of exercising to help the baby and getting fresh air and stuff is one of the subliminal drivers. We used to walk with the aim of getting somewhere and having a drink – that’s now been replaced with food (obviously) but the whole having a drink thing isn’t missed really.
So before we knew about having a baby, I was buzzing about pregnancy because I was excited about being able to drink as many beers as I wanted and always having a lift home (if I behaved). The reality is so different though. Now it’s here, I don’t really want to drink that much and I have found that as a by-product, life is way more interesting. Maybe I sound old but there is so much more to life than drinking…I have said it before (normally after a heavy one) but I actually mean it now. 
If you want to write for Bad Dad then please let me know. Either DM me on Instagram or email me at hellobadmum@gmail.com. 

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18 December 2016

One Car aka Wanker!!

Hi, it's me Sophie (you know the Bad Mum person) and you lucky people get to read a post from me!! 

Enjoy! 

One Car aka Wanker!!

When my son says one car it completely sounds like wanker – we find this bloody hilarious!

‘Jake look at that man cutting Daddy up on the roundabout over there...how many cars have you got?’

WANKER!

‘Jake, Donald Trump wants to count your cars with you, how many have you got?’

WANKER!

OK Jake we get the message you don’t like Donald Trump...who does?

It can also come in handy when you don’t like someone or someone is being rude! Just bend down and whisper in your kids ear ‘how many cars?’ then shoot back up like nothing happened and wait – wait for the magic to happen.

WANKER!



When the looks from people start just simply say ‘What my child is counting his cars and he has one car! What did you think he said?’ It’s evil but hay it’s funny too! And, obviously only works when they do in fact only have one car and in the learning to talk stage...you won’t get away with it when they are 10 and calling people wankers...sorry!

I think just sometimes we have to laugh at certain situations. Obviously not laughing at your child because that is just damn right cruel but when they don’t have a clue what is happening and it gets you through the day with a giggle then, why not?

I don’t think the one car trick is up to Britain’s Got Talent level but it will at least amuse my household for a few more days.

And boy, do you need to laugh at this parenting lark sometimes or what?! The other day we took Jake to a soft play area. He can go in on his own now but likes to drag us in there at every given opportunity and my God it must be the quickest and easiest way to lose all dignity in one full sweep

I’ve come to the conclusion that if I’m not sitting down and drinking a hot chocolate while catching up on phone duties I fucking hate soft play area’s.

Everything about it hurts and makes you question how many mince pies you’ve eaten that day!

You have to squeeze through two massive padded rollers, which has the smallest gap in between you’ve ever seen in your life and still try to look remotely lady like in the process, then you fall out onto the floor the other side! Then you quickly shoot up to see if anyone has seen you act out the performance of Play-Doh being squeezed through a machine all while you ache everywhere like a bitch!

Even before you attempt it, you shit yourself that you won’t actually make it through to the other side and be wedged in the rollers; holding up all the kids wanting to breeze through the gap! All you need to hear is ‘Mummy, a fat lady is stuck in the rollers again and I can’t get past!!’ Cue the moment you die and never return to that evil place ever again!

If you do fit through, which I just about do then every time I get through I see it as a mini fist pump moment and reward myself with a Kit Kat.

You see other parents going through the same pain and give them the nod or make some joke like ‘who needs a gym when you can come here!’ Give me a gym anytime!! You don’t climb up, down, over, under, through tiny gaps all while trying to look graceful and putting up with that one clingy kid that never leaves you alone in a gym!

I’ll let you into a secret too...I used to be scared of going down the big slide (especially the twisty tunnel ones in the bloody dark) but you can’t be afraid in front of a child, let alone your own, can you?

Oh no, everything has to be so much fun!! I went down one for the first time and I wanted to run around the place, celebrating like I’d just won a gold medal and topping it off with a jump (fuck it, doing a bomb) in the ball pool!

I’ve even lost Jake before in a soft play area. He told me to go down one of them horrible slides and he would follow me...he didn’t. I was at the bottom and he was at the top crying but I thought he was stuck in the middle! I’ve never run through the padded assault course as fast as I did that day in all my life. I was grabbing children and screaming ‘have you seen my son’ in their faces and even watching children come down the slide then asking them if a child was stuck in the middle – well obviously not!

He had just wondered off looking for me and was happily playing. Me on the other hand looked like a complete nutter with static hair and a sock missing! I pay money for this shit!


Anyway, you have to laugh and next time that clingy kid won’t leave us I’ll tell Jake to count his car and next time I lose him by accident I’ll shout out Wanker! 

Everyone is a winner. 


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Huge welcome to...

Today I have Jeni from everythingisaphase on Instagram supplying us with a very honest post about parenting. 

Over to you Jeni! 

Was I a really shit first Mum?



I seriously question my parenting skills from the 1st child to the 2nd child, I have either given up and just winged it or I'm so far gone from a normal childless functioning person that I just don't understand what it would be like to have a lie in, wee on my own and get bored.
It's obviously a lot easier as child number 2 just feeds, plays, sleeps, repeat and as long as you time most things around this cycle it works, you can go to the shops but you do have the added time delay of the pushchair but the advantage of no ticking tantrum time bombs. But I don't remember the 1st time being this ok, was I the issue and not the 1st child?  Here's a list of the differences for me
  • Going to weigh ins, 1st time went all the time, dreaded dressing baby in front of a health visitor as they are judging your every move (clearly not but as a 1st time mum you think they are), 2nd time taking them becomes a bit of a hassle, maybe a few times in the 1st couple of months and then it just fades away. 1st time I used weight as some kind of way of knowing you were doing ok this time its if she's happy we are happy.
  • 1st time getting out of the house, absolute mission, brought a special strap for the pushchair for my wrist as I was convinced that my hands would stop working and I would let go of the pushchair, 2nd time have been known to forget to put the brake on and she has slowly rolled off.
  • 1st time going for lunch out and about (because this is what you think you will be doing all time when you are on maternity leave before you have the baby, happens very rarely) would be stressing about a routine and whether your baby might make any noise and they might even cry (!) and you just cant handle the stares. Now once you have experienced a full toddler melted down in the middle of pizza express a few tears from a baby is nothing. Once you have been in this parenting routine for a while you forget what a quiet lunch would be like and actually find it hard to sit still if you actually get a chance to be alone.
  • Baby classes, 1st time I was so nervous that my baby might touch another baby or not stay awake for the full hour, I always use to compare notes with other mums, constantly comparing where my baby was on the progress table of other babies his age. Now I'm in and out quick chats then straight back onto it and I'm jealous of these 1 baby mums but I remember at that time I found it so hard stressing about everything.
  • Weaning, 1st time probably started to early, then went onto baby led weaning or baby linguine, as in the pasta (that's what I actually thought it was called in my sleep deprived state, you could of told me anything in those days and I would of believed it). 2nd time, poor old baby gets the odd bit of food that she chucks around and then drops on the floor, but she likes it and she is happy so its all good.
  • Constantly assessing poo, 1st time checking poo for colour, smells, consistency and basically thinking he was ill everyday, but he was actually fine. 2nd time just change it and move on. Also this time I have pretty much a constant napisan soak on the go.


Maybe I should have been more relaxed but in my mind I needed to do this in depth the 1st time as now I feel I've exhausted any possible options and I'm enjoying it a lot more.
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16 December 2016

Fin & Phoebe

I love these and there is a lot more to come too. They will pop up from time to time. 

Full credit to Fin & Phoebe at finandphoebe Go and take a look! 


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Huge welcome back too...

I am very pleased to say my girly Amy from kittyandpip is back again! Amy has been unwell, so how she has fitted in writing for Bad Mum again I don't know but I am sending her lots of love!! 

If you missed Amy's first Bad Mum post please take a look here



Take it away my lovely! 


5 Things Not To Say To a Pregnant Lady


1. Mention their size. I was bloody huge throughout my pregnancy. I am not joking, I had a baby bump at 8 weeks! The amount of people that would say 'Jeeze aren't you MASSIVE!' or 'How many you hiding in there?' or 'Are you sure it isn't twins? hahaha!' It is just rude! You would never comment on a ladies size at any other point in their life so why is it OK just because she is growing a human. The answer is; IT IS NOT BLOODY OK!!!! On the flip side of this is when you carry small and people question if you are actually pregnant. We have enough to worry about without having strangers tell us we are essentially faking it.

2. Should you be eating/drinking that? Really? When did Susan in accounts become an nutritionist? I have been up all night throwing up, if I want to eat my own weight in Coco Pops this morning then that is what I am going to do! Oh and Geoff in dispatch I haven't slept for two nights so this can of coke is the only thing helping me stand right now. As long as we aren't injecting bacon fat or snorting sugar I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself. I was once put in tears by a sonographer who relished in the fact
my baby was 'fat' her words and that I have obviously been eating badly. My midwife was appalled when she found out and a complaint was made.

3. 'Oooh! You think you're tired now? HA! You just wait!' I am fully aware that once my little bundle of joy arrives I can kiss good bye to sleep. I did a little bit of research before deciding to become a parent. However, this does not help me feel any better when I am so uncomfortable and kept awake by a baby kicking seven shades out of my liver. I am fat and tired please let me complain in peace.

4. Horror stories. Please will everyone just take a flying jump when they want to share a story about how their Aunt's sister's daughter tore from here to here, or how the lady down the road was in labour for four days or how Mandy in Sales baby got stuck half way out. Just STOP! Birth is a magical process and sadly in our culture it is shrouded in mystery and scare stories. They don't help anyone. Lets empower pregnant ladies for their birth, whether its through the exit or out through the sunroof.

5.' Enjoy life now before it is all over'. I find these so
insensitive! Most couples try for a baby for a long time! Trying for a baby is hard and generally not a decision taken lightly. Even though parents often long for their old life, none of us would trade it in. Having a child is gift, a gift that sadly isn't given to all that want it. So to tell an expectant mother that their life will be over is just an awful thing to say!

Basically stop being dicks just because someone has a human incubating inside of them.

Once again thank you Amy and she does it again! If you want to write for Bad Mum please contact me. 




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15 December 2016

Huge welcome to...

Today on Bad Mum I have Nicky from mamacan.hypnobirthing sharing a guest post all about Hypnobirthing! 

Please enjoy!

Five Reasons Why Hypnobirthing is a Pregnancy Game Changer



Despite its slightly suspicious name, Hypnobirthing was for me, a pregnancy game changer. Here are my top five reasons on why it is so awesome:

1   Making time for yourself while pregnant

Pregnant women seem to embark on maternity leave with a mammoth to do list, only planning to “relax” once they have bought another ten baby outfits, rearranged the nursery, repacked their hospital bag for the gazillionth time and baked a cake. Hypnobirthing is anchored around the concept of practising to relax in the lead up to the birth and making this time for yourself daily is invaluable for your mental and physical wellbeing. We may think we are good at relaxing by sitting in front of the TV watching X-Factor while simultaneously scrolling through Instagram, but most of us take very little time to properly switch off, breath and relax. Hypnobirthing gives you the tools to do so and allows you to make time and space in your life to practice. For me, this was invaluable when pregnant and working long hours with a tedious commute.

 Giving an important role to your birth partner

Most of us have images of lost looking men attending their partner’s birth, having their hand squeezed and being swatted away like an irritating fly while they try and mop a brow. When it comes to the main event they may be allowed to join in the “push push” chant from the side lines. In Hypnobirthing the birth partner has a vital role. They are the birth environment facilitator and the mother’s advocate and protector. Their role is to ensure the mother can simply relax, while they take care of communicating with the care providers, ensuring she has everything she needs to birth calmly and comfortably.

3   Supporting any type of birth

There is no such thing as the “perfect” birth, simply the birth that is right for you and your baby in particular circumstance on a particular day. While Hypnobirthing is associated with natural birth with minimal interventions and pain relief, the techniques taught are invaluable in any birth scenario as they teach you to release fear and anxiety, and have complete confidence in your body’s ability to birth your baby. The relaxation techniques are invaluable whatever type of birth you have, allowing you to stay calm and in control.

.   Removing the fear of pain and medical interventions

Fear and anxiety can be overwhelming in pregnancy. Everyone likes to share horror birth stories with pregnant women. Hypnobirthing teaches women to release those fears and reframe birth positively. Statistically Hypnobirthing mothers experience less pain, have shorter labours and have fewer medical interventions. This is because proper preparation allows them to understand how their birthing body works, allowing them to release fears and trust their instincts. Many Hypnobirthing mothers choose to birth at home where recovery from birth is much quicker. If medical interventions are necessary, they and their birth partners are well equipped to speak with their care providers about all their options.

5   Empowering and educating you to ask questions and understand your choices

Hypnobirthing teaches the science and physiology of birth, as well as the different routes labour may take. This allows you to be armed with knowledge during your pregnancy and going into labour and the confidence to ask questions about your options every step of the way.

As you can see, I feel passionately that all women should have the chance to learn Hypnobirthing prior to their birth. If you’d like to chat more, get in touch!

Nicky Khan is a qualified KG Hypnobirthing teacher and founder of Mamacan Hypnobirthing, a common-sense approach to birth, based in SW London.

Website: www.mamacan.co.uk
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14 December 2016

Huge welcome to...

Hello lovely ladies and gents (maybe?!), today I have a baking post from Kirsty from Winnettes. Kirsty is teaching us how to bake Christmas brownies...if anyone wants to bake me some and send them to me I would very much appreciate it! 

Take it away my lovely...

Christmas Brownies 

Who doesn’t love brownies? OK, potentially a lot of people but we are not some of them! These are a firm favourite in our family and it has been a long time since I have made any. How could I resist a Christmas theme at this time of year?
I am a self confessed perfectionist when it comes to baking. Most things I make are designed to look perfect, they require precision and often a steady hand. The end result isn’t always what I had in mind and I am my harshest critic. I want to teach my girls how to bake and decorate but I struggle to give up some of the control. Brownies are perfect to do this with, they are not meant to look perfect. They should be rough around the edges and homely.
The recipe I have used for years is one from Humming Bird Bakery. It is gooey and because it uses real chocolate it has a very intense flavour. Ordinarily I don’t fiddle around with it but this time I added the zest of three oranges for a Christmas flavour twist to it. (I wanted to make it with a gingerbread flavour but Hubby told me I was insane and that would be disgusting…. I think it would taste nice. No?)
To ensure a smooth baking experience, prepare everything in advance. Measure out all of the ingredients into bowls and have any equipment and utensils to hand. Things can get forgotten or burnt/over mixed if you aren’t prepared.

‘By failing to prepare you are preparing to fail’ Benjamin Franklin.

To line a square tin this is how I cut the greaseproof paper. I then use fry spray to stick it to the tin.


I melted the chocolate myself, as I didn’t want Pinky to get a steam burn. When melting chocolate ensure that the heatproof bowl you use fits snuggly in the saucepan without touching the bottom. If the bowl touches the bottom of the pan or the water you put in it the chocolate
will burn and taste extremely bitter (not in a good chocolate way). If you get water in the chocolate it will split and go grainy. Yuk!



Before adding the other ingredients I added the orange zest to the melted chocolate to ensure it mixed in well and didn’t clump. You could also use an orange essence but I haven’t found one I like yet. If anyone knows of a good essence brand let me know. 




I use two square brownie tins when I am making these. This is bigger than the recipe recommends so mine come out thinner than intended but I like them this way. Because it is such a rich flavour it can get a bit sickly. I have always cut them up into small pieces but now I spread the mixture more the portion size can be cut bigger.


I cooked these for 40 minutes at 180oC. The recipe says they should be done after 35 minutes. I learnt a long time ago (due to mistakes) that every oven runs at a different temperature. I have made these in 30 minutes before and I have also used an oven that meant they took over an hour to bake! The best way to check is get an oven thermometer. I don’t actually have one but I now know my oven well enough to know where the heat spots are and how accurate the temperature actually is. Use your instincts basically.   Baking can be all about trial and error.
Once these are done and cooled completely I cut them up into triangles. I had every intention of trying to make them all the same size… That didn’t happen (give it up love it doesn’t matter).
I decided to use some Candy Melts I had in the cupboard to decorate. These can be melted using the same method for chocolate or in the microwave. Once melted put in a piping bag (careful this is warm!) and pipe however you like. You could dip the brownie straight in if you wanted*. Then I added some smarties and sprinkles to finish the look (thanks to Pinterest for the inspiration).
*The candy melts are quite thick once melted which is ideal for piping rough details. Add a little vegetable fat to thin the mixture out if you are dipping (I would anyway). Be careful not to add too much fat, but if you do, add more candy melts to thicken it up a little again. Little by little is the key. Candy Melts can also be reused, if you have some left at the end leave to cool, it will harden at room temperature, then place in a sealed plastic bag until you want to use them again.

I gave Pinky some triangles to decorate and she had so much fun. I use a cable tie at the top of the piping bag, which stops any mix coming out of the top. I find this useful myself but it even more effective for a three year old who doesn’t really have the two hand piping coordination. I put the smarties and sprinkles into bowls for her because, as I suspected, things got a little messy and no one would want to re use they ones she didn’t need!



The final result….
TaDah! 





Thank you Kirsty! Let me know if you try them and how they came out. 

If you want to write a guest post, be featured, be interviewed or advertise something then please do contact me. 


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13 December 2016

Ha Ha!!

I had to share this one from Hedger Humor today because this has been me all bloody month!! 

Now that Jake's birthday and party plus many things are over, I can finally start to think about Christmas and relaxing a tad! 



Now breath...

Full credit to Hedger Humor. 

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Interview with Jenny aka Mamazou!

Today I have an interview with Jenny from Mamazou who support perfectly imperfect parents...now that is right up my Bad Mum street! 

Here is our interview you lovely lot:



Hi Jenny and welcome to Bad Mum magazine. Thank you so much for giving up your time to answer some questions.

I absolutely love the Mamazou concept and I love even more that you have such a positive vibe for all parents. Is this something that is important to you?

Thank you so much, that means so much to me!!  I’m all for sending out positive vibes.  We spend so much time feeling guilty or not good enough when it comes to parenting that sometimes we forget to focus on the good we’re doing.  There’s nothing nicer than sharing the love and supporting one another because truthfully, we’re all doing the best that we can… and that in itself is just amazing!

I myself have felt very lonely in the past and rather isolated too when it has been just myself and Jake all day, every day. How would you encourage parents to seek someone to speak to and to ensure they are not alone in this parenting roller coaster?

I’d tell them to sign up to Mamazou! We have such a friendly
community on our forums and on our social media channels.  We’re all about support without judgement.  It really is a safe space.  As isolating as this parenting journey can be, you’re never alone and sometimes we need to be reminded of that. 

I also found that for me, it was really important to venture out of home.  I took H to many playgroups and have made some lovely friends as a result of it.

You must be one busy lady with Mamazou having a shop also, how do you find the time to fit it all in and juggle being a business Mama too?

It certainly keeps me on my toes!  The shop hasn’t launched yet but it will be launching very shortly which I’m exceptionally excited about.  Working with a charity, and one as incredible as Kids Out is such an honour.  The juggling hasn’t come naturally but it’s something that I’m definitely striving towards.  I’m fortunate enough to work from home and tend to work in the day and once H has gone to bed but I also make sure that I exercise regularly too.  Heading to the office on a weekly basis also helps me find that “health balance”.  On weekends I try to avoid social media more than usual and focus on family time.  When we’re together, especially at dinner times, I make sure I put my phone down.  My husband and I also go on a date night once a week.

At Bad Mum I want to represent the real face of parenting rather than the sugar coated, pink fluffy version some media companies would like us to believe is the normal for all families. Do you feel it is important to show real life on social media to give people a realistic view?

YES!  Totally – I actually posted about this the other day.  When browsing on social media, people tend to get so caught up on striving to be “perfect”, (hence my Perfectly Imperfect Parenting slogan). We’re all guilty of it – guilty of comparisons, guilty of feeling anxious, guilty of feeling inadequate and that’s not cool.  Take my IG for example, I love posting my “pink fluffy” photos because they make me smile but my captions aren’t always about those moments – I’m open and honest.  I like to share when I’m feeling vulnerable or when H is being a pain in the ass etc, because that’s real life.   Why sugar coat it?!

Can you tell Bad Mum how the hell you get through a bad (going to throw my child out the window soon) day? We all have them and we all survive the best way we know how. If we all share then we can all breathe a sigh of relief knowing we are not alone!

Hahaha – truthfully, I sometimes don’t even know how I get through those days.  Distraction is key and I’m slowly mastering the art of it!  “Look, there’s a bird!”  When I’ve distracted H, I try to take a deep breath and reset or I phone my husband and say “Do you have any idea of what she just did?!” , to which he normally response with “I can’t help you, I’m at work!”  -  But distraction and changing the subject tends to be the key to dealing with those terrible tantrums until we’re ready to address it and sort things out when we’re both a little more level headed. 

If anyone is reading this and wants to start something new but finds it all a bit daunting (or scary) what advice would you give to them and how did you just take the first step; starting?

Do it.  Yes, it’s scary but if you don’t you’ll regret it.  The first step is the hardest but if you believe in your idea, don’t let anything hold you back.  Make notes, don’t rush and do your research!

From everything you have learnt from becoming a Mum to starting up Mamazou, what is your one bit of golden advice you can share?

It’s OK to be selfish from time to time.  Being a mum, having a business and working along side it is full on.  It doesn’t matter what kind of mum you are (SAHM, Working mum etc), motherhood is full on – whilst it’s incredible it’s exhausting and you deserve to have time out, you deserve to be kind to yourself.  I learnt this the hard way and it’s something I’m putting to practice much more these days.

Lastly, everyone must leave us all with a parenting confession they have never told anyone else before! Go and do a shot then write it down.

I didn’t change one poopy nappy for the first 2 weeks of H’s life.  It totally grossed me out so my wonderful husband did it instead!!  That’s love.


Once again thank you so much and please continue what you are doing as us Mum’s need all the help we can get! 


To see Mamazou's full profile then please go to the Bloody Truthful Mama section at the top now! 

If you would like to be featured on Bad Mum please get in contact with me! 




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