Bad Mum

Magazine

2 December 2016

What a fucking week!

I never normally talk about this shit because I’m waiting for confirmation before I speak out but my head can only take so much before it explodes and you have probably seen me crying on Instagram...like you do! 

December is a time of Christmas, getting fat(ter in my case) and the Boots Christmas catalogue but December also brings my sons birthday and a party plus appointments and millions of forms to fill out. 


What am I on about? My son is getting assessed to see if he is autistic or not.


As simple as that.

The only reason I’m bringing it up now is because I think I have steam coming out of my ears and rocking back and forth in a corner losing the plot; all while frantically looking for some chocolate!!
 
On top of a busy month coming up I have the added strain of endless forms to fill out answering questions about my son, to my son hitting me on a daily basis to having his first part of the assessment beginning very soon. 


What stresses me out the most is this is now out of my hands and a bunch of strangers will decide my sons future with or without a label (we are not meant to use labels) attached to him. Which also means, will I be listened to or believed even, or will I get told he is just a typical kid with some behaviour problems!?

 
I’m now at the point where I don’t want my son to just have some behaviour problems (hello award for the world’s shitty Mum) and I want him to be diagnosed with something! I want to be listened too and I want a doctor to agree with me! 


Make me a horrible person? Well, until you’ve lived the last three years like I have and walked in my shoes then jog on; your opinion means jack shit (who is Jack Shit? I’ve always wondered!) 


I don’t care what is going on with my handsome boy, I don’t care what it is called and I don’t care that this is our life now. I have already excepted all that and no matter what, I’m so proud of him! I will scream it from the rooftops if he gets diagnosed and also say a few Fuck You’s to the people who didn’t believe me (that doesn’t help when you already feel like you’re going crazy!) 


Everyone has an opinion on my little boy but the only opinion I really care about is the final decision. Then I’ll know why he hits me, doesn’t sleep, very fussy eater, problems with speech and language and doesn’t like change. 


It is like having a jigsaw puzzle of the deep blue sea that has a thousand pieces and you’ve got one piece missing... If completing the puzzle wasn’t hard enough! 


Every single parent has a story and a struggle. I have fibromyalgia (in constant pain, always tired and like I have the flu), my little boy is getting assessed and I’m yes, I’m stressed and tired but I’m no different from any other parent; like you, we just all have a story and this is mine at the moment. 


Keep going Mum’s, no matter what they throw at us we will make it and I think I will share what really goes on behind the scenes. After all I’m showing you the real photo not some made up shit!




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