20 January 2017

Get it off your chest!

Hi lovelies, today I have something a little different. Someone asked me if they could write a post anonymously so they can get something off their chest and out there in black and white. Of course I agreed as I too have done something similar and it works wonders. 

If you would like to get something off your chest, tell us a problem, a worry or concern, a family member or friend has hurt you or you even suspect your husband or wife is up to no good then just tell us! We won't know you and we won't judge; we will simply offer you friendly advice and a virtual hug.

I promise you, hand on heart, your secret will always be safe with me and I will NEVER reveal anyone's story or who you are to ANYONE

That's my Bad Mum Code and Girl Code (Boys you are welcome and are safe too!) 

Now show this person some love please. 

Life is made up of many choices.  Daily we make choices about what to eat, what to wear, where to take the kids.  In this modern day of 2017 there are new and different choices to what our parents had.  Blogging is one of those choices.  Now just because you are a parent doesn’t mean you need to blog about your family, that is again your choice.  This is a choice I made.  I made it a long time ago and it was not something I went into lightly.  I dipped my toe in for a while whilst I found my confidence and once I did it was the best decision I ever made.  I know this over sharing isn’t for everyone.  Not everyone will understand why I am comfortable putting pictures and stories of my children online but what those same people don’t understand is I have a strict ‘rule book’ I follow. 

  1. I never share pictures of the girls in the bath or without clothes on.  I don’t mind other parents that do; I actually love a cute little botty pic.  I just don’t want that to be a picture of my children.  
  2. I don’t share any intimate details of them.  For example, I would never say if they had a UTI or a rash caused by anything other than a virus or Chicken Pox. 
  3. If I would be embarrassed about a picture as an adult I don’t post it.
  4. I never share pictures of friends or my family’s children unless they know about it in advance.
I have deleted many a caption in the past which I felt was hormonal fuelled and perhaps not a true reflection of the events and more an over exaggeration of my feelings in that moment.  I hope that most people now know that Instagram isn’t always the most ‘real’ place.  With so many filters and editing options how can it be?  I try not to be fake, but just because I don’t post picture of my children being the arseholes we all know they can be doesn’t mean I don’t think it and that they don’t do it!

I kept my blog and my Instagram use a secret from my family for a long time.  Not because I was ashamed, actually I was very proud, but because it is a little out of character for me and them.  I didn’t want to have to try and justify my decision because it would have put a seed of doubt in my head.  So it came as a surprise to me to find out that my sister-in-law had found it and felt it appropriate to copy everything I did.  If I write a post chances are within days or even hours she has written the same post. 

Now just to be clear I have only very recently found out how bad the situation has become.  And I didn’t go looking for it! My partner came across something on twitter that raised alarm bells and he found it all! I knew something was wrong months ago after a few nasty messages were exchanged but quite frankly I thought we were all adults, not school children.  Our relationship has always been one of distaste and indifference.  We simply don’t get on and I simply don’t like her.

In the interest of balance I know I could have tried harder to get on with her in the past, I am far from perfect.  I know where I went wrong but I also know she honestly thinks she has done nothing to piss me off over the years! Well I have a list as long as my arm of things she has done to piss me off over the years.  My family know many of them and only one of them directly relates to me, the rest of my issues have been ways she has ignorantly upset other people in my family.  Of course I am not allowed to say anything to her in case I upset her.  Poor delicate soul!

Back to the point.  I am not original, I am not unique.  There are many other bloggers doing the same thing as me out there.  And yes, she is absolutely more than entitled to join the clan.  I don’t believe she is deliberately malicious, I actually suspect she is relatively likable.  The big issue I have is since her and her family have made me feel utterly shit about my rules, utterly shit about the polite way I try and conduct myself, utterly shit about trying to put the past behind us and move on and utterly shit about trying to keep myself out of their way and their happiness I would simply like her to fuck off! I want her to leave me alone.  I want her to stop copying my blog posts (word for word in some cases) I also know she has tried to directly compete with my Instagram pictures in the past.  I want her to stop following everything I do and find her own way.  It feels most days that I can’t go anywhere on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter without her rearing her ugly head (turn of phrase I promise).   Some days I am unbothered by it but most days it really knocks my confidence.  Everyone tells me she is just jealous and to ignore it, but it isn’t as easy as that.  The seed of doubt has been sowed.

Part of me feels sorry for her, that she feels like she lives in my shadow, but I didn’t put her there.  She has positioned herself like that.

Yes I understand I chose to live my life like this.  I did expect some negative people to show their faces at some point.  I figured the day that happened was the day I had ‘made it’ as they say.  I never expected it to be someone I knew.  I never expected it to be family and I never expected to be ousted because of it all.  So why don’t I stop?  Mostly because it won’t solve the problem. This is just being used as an excuse, and besides which I am loving what I am doing.  It brings me a lot of joy and has helped build my confidence.  I have virtually met some amazing people who really lift my spirits on a daily basis.  Perhaps if it wasn’t for the community I have found myself embraced in I may well have simply stopped.  I certainly thought about it.  I refuse to be bullied for the choices I have made.  I will not back down.  I am causing no harm.  I am just trying to find a little bit of ‘me’ in the depths of motherhood.

So next time you compare yourself to someone else’s Instagram feed, question why your life can’t be so white and beautiful, wonder why you can’t be that happy; remember it is only a square.  It is not the whole truth.  Some people post pretty things to make themselves feel better.  Some people post raw things to make themselves feel better.  Some people just like to showcase some of their photography.  Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter; NEVER compare yourself to someone else because you should always be your own person.  

Live and let live.  


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