Today I have an interview with Keri Jarvis from do.it.like.a.mother who is taking this Instagram and business world by storm!
Hi Keri and thank you for taking time out
to answer some questions for Bad Mum magazine. You must be super busy at the
moment so I really do appreciate it! Firstly, WOW! How do you fit it all in?
From looking after your own little family, running a blog, have a cool sweater
(I WANT ONE) and of course hypnobirthing too – you must be a multi tasking
ninja?
Ha!
I'm a multi tasking mess! I would love to say I have a formula worked out for
balancing everything, it was heading that way for a little while before Rory
arrived and Louis was starting to settle in preschool. Those precious few hours
alone were put to good use! But I'm having to learn that I cannot do everything
at once. I fact, I can't do everything EVER. I swing between feeling like I'm
nailing it, and crying because I'm failing at all of it. I just realised I
don't know how to communicate without emojis... (Insert crying with laughter
face, exasperated face, praying hands).
When did your love and passion for
hypnobirthing and helping couples through one of the most important and special
times of their lives begin?
I
discovered hypnobirthing 4 years ago, when I was pregnant with Louis. I was
worried about an epidural, and freaked out by the idea of losing control of my
body and the situation. His birth didn't go completely to plan, but
hypnobirthing made such a difference to both me and my husband, it made me
wonder how anyone have birth without the tools we'd learned.
I
retrained when he was 6 months old and have since worked with around 150 women
and their families, which is honestly SUCH a privilege.
Over
time, I've mused on the fact that whilst so many elements of hypnobirthing are
incredible in the positive way they transform the experience, there are others
that women have told me have left them feeling disappointed in themselves and
how things panned out. Whether that's because they let pain, or accepted drugs
or some other form of intervention, or just that they were roaring the place
down rather than serene.
That
can't be right- any woman who gets a human out of her body in any way should
feel like she rocked it. So my passion is sharing these life changing tools and
techniques, framed in realism and flexibility. Giving couples all the info they
need, and reminding them that they can do whatever suits them- there's no right
or wrong in birth. That's why I'm so happy to be teaching The Calm Birth School
method- entirely aligned with my vibe.
I'm
currently developing a postnatal course that will provide women the info and
reassurance they need after the baby arrives- so often I get "thanks so
much for everything, now can you help me through the next 18 years?!". I
don't have all the answers, but I'm calling in some experts and I'm determined
that women don't face this bewildering chapter alone. We all need a girl
gang.
You seem to be a very positive person
which I personally love myself; do you think it is important to be positive on
social media and send out the right message to parents?
I
am generally a positive person, but I can strop and whine and mope for sure.
Husband would confirm. I think it's important to have a positive mindset as
much as you can manage it. I always say hypnobirthing offers skills for life,
so I try and practice what I preach. (Do I preach?! Hope not....)
Anyway.
Whilst we all need to release our frustrations and concerns from time to time
(OK, a lot when you have 2 kids and no sleep...), one of my favourite
sayings is "worry is a prayer for what you don't want". By focusing on all that could go wrong, we rob ourselves of joy. My favourite affirmation
is "things are always working out for me". I got it from Suzy
Ashworth, my mentor. The more you say it, the more you notice the way that
things fall in line for you, even if it doesn't immediately seem clear.
But
coming full circle, I also think it's so important to be honest. I've written
lots on my blog about our breastfeeding struggles, my 3rd degree tear of our
otherwise perfect home birth, the guilt of not enjoying a second pregnancy and
the difficulties I've found adjusting to being a working mother of 2. It's all
about balance.
I myself don’t like false and set up
photo’s on Instagram which are not always manageable in the real world with
what real life throws at us. At the moment the truthful Mama’s are sweeping
through Instagram; do you think this is great or it might come back to bite us
on the bum one day?
I
love it. It might bite us if our children can be bothered to scroll back
through and ask us why we bitched about them 10 years ago... I would love to
see a true account of my own mother's experience of early parenthood. It would
have made me love her even more (if poss- she's ace) to see that it was hard
but that she still managed to be an amazing parent.
Every single Mum has bad parenting days
(where if you hear your name being called one more time, you might put your
head through a wall) so how do you cope with that and have you learnt any
golden bits of advice you can share?
It's
a cliche, but long, slow breaths.
"This
too shall pass".
"My
child is not giving me a hard time, my child is having a hard time."
And
a mental countdown to wine o'clock, otherwise known as 5pm.
What is next on your To Do list and is
there anything you really want to achieve?
I'm
excited to get the postnatal course launched, and another little project I'm
working on to support new parents remotely. I'm excited to grow our community
one gorgeous mum at a time.
I
have an incredible addition to my team in the Spring- a former client, MIDWIFE
and all round awesome human being, Chloe, who is going to be teaching
hypnobirthing with Do It Like A Mother.
My
clients are my inspiration, so will wait and see what they throw at me.
I
would love to achieve a sense of balance between my work and family life this
year, and enjoy my eldest in the run up to him starting school (how the hell
did that happen?).
If there is a Mum sat at home scrolling
through Instagram just wanting to start something but doesn’t know where to
begin, what advice would you give to them?
The
only thing that stops you is you. I know that's oversimplifying things but it's
the truth. If you can't do it alone, find people you are aligned with who can
support you. Do a little bit every day if that's all you can manage, because it
all adds up. Every day is a learning curve- just because it's hard doesn't mean
you're getting it wrong.
Lastly, everyone must leave us with a
parenting confession they have never told anyone before? Go and do a shot then
write it down!
Ha!
I don't do shots but I will polish off a glass of wine and let you know that my
good friend (who shall remain nameless) and I accidentally let our 3 year olds
drink a tiny (honestly...) bit of prosecco on NYE because we were a bit drunk
ourselves and too consumed by the desire for a funny picture of them toasting
to notice there was still some in the glasses. Oops.
Thank you so much and keep doing what you
are doing; as it takes a special person to help someone.
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