8 March 2017

Anonymous Post

When you get married, or actually, enter into any kind partnership, romantic or even business, you make an agreement. This isn't a typed out on paper, signed sealed and delivered kind of agreement. This is an underlying, unsaid, code of conduct. 

You have agreed that from here on in you are 'in this together'... two has become one. 

But does it? 

Can you honestly say that you will always treat everything you have as 'ours' and not 'mine'. 

This is an age old debate that to be honest comes up frequently in our household, and it always, always revolves around the same thing..... Money!!

The other night we bought a new bed. I say we, my husband paid for this new bed, from, and I quote "his" money, and was slightly disgruntled when I wasn't more grateful that he had spent "his" money on our new bed.

I was a tad peeved by this statement, to say the least, but after a glass of wine, a very hard day at work and not wanting to have a full on debate (again) I left it. 

But I kept thinking about it. 

I don't really blame him for seeing the cold hard cash in his account as 'his'. It comes from the wages he earns, working all the hours he works. 

I didn't earn that money, I didn't go to work every day to bring home that money.

However, I did cut my hours down to half when I returned from having our first child. This was so we didn't have to spend the majority of our money on childcare, so I could spend more time with her, and so she didn't spend more time with someone else than she did with us. 

Constance Hall wrote in her book that when you have children, a career becomes a luxury, not a given. Not that I had much of one but I gave up any hope of a career and let my husband take the lead. He has gone from strength to strength in his current role, and I am proud of him for what he has achieved in a short space of time. I am also hugely grateful for the money this brings.

But why does contribution to our household always have to be measured in money?! 

The saying goes that behind every successful man is a great woman. This my friends is the absolute truth.

When my husband works late, gets caught in the office, has to work away, who is always at home, looking after our children?? Yup... that would be me. 

I am there, cooking their tea, getting them ready for bed, making the packed lunches for the next day AND cooking dinner for him when he gets in from his 'hard day at work'.

The contribution I make is measured in hours spent at home with 'our' children. The hours spent taking them to baby classes, toddler classes, swimming lessons, play dates, its the school runs, the doctors appointments, taking days off when they are sick, arranging childcare, and then re-arranging childcare, the washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking, and making sure the cupboards are full and the fridge is stocked (using 'my' money). 

I know my husband will hate this and will probably never let me post it. I also know that he didn't mean anything by it and he just wants me to appreciate that he has worked hard for that money, and because of this we can now buy a lovely new king size bed. 

I just want him to appreciate that behind the money he has earned is little old me, keeping everything else ticking over, and that deserves a bit of thanks too. 

If you want to write an anonymous post please do contact me.


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