Bad Mum

Magazine

23 March 2017

MOTHER: THE FUTURE DAD

I think it’s fair to say that I’ve always been a mummy’s boy. So when I lost my mum a part of my world faded forever… Sadly, we found out that she had just days to live on the afternoon of our 20 week pregnancy scan.


Now, this post isn’t supposed to be about the death of my mother. On the contrary, it’s to celebrate and honour the influence my mum has had on me and how her legacy lives on through my parenting.

I don’t want my son to miss out on her love but the sad reality is he won’t have a choice… However, I like to think that it was my mother’s groundwork that has created the Dad I am today. The more I look, the more I realise that it manifests itself throughout my life. My wife helps too, on birthdays she sets out a birthday table with a candle, cards, presents, tea and breakfast. This is exactly what my mum did for us all and it feels really special.

So how has this impacted on my parenting style?  I find that I am playing the role of mother a lot when we visit Grandad, I try to bring the chat and warmth that she always exuded. Always redressing the balance, pointing out the birds in the garden and showing him family pictures.

Perhaps I have become a more considered father as a result of the loss of her. I focus on creating sweet childhood memories for our boy as these are all I have left myself. I’m keen to represent my mum as she can’t do so in person, so trips to M&S for a coffee (her favourite) and even the weekly shop with the toddler in tow feels like a nod to her.

Finally, I often find that during those dark hours, if I dig deep enough, I can work out what my mum would have done. It helps so much. It may be the worst ever consolation prize…but I’ll take it!


Written by Thomas (@blag_dad)


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