Bad Mum

Magazine

28 March 2017

#YoureNotAlone


This is a new campaign that I have been thinking about doing for a long time. After speaking to a good friend of mine I remembered how lonely I used to be.

When people think of what it is to be lonely they most probably think of the elderly, which of course is absolutely true but it can also affect all ages too. You can be lonely as a teenager to now, when you have a family.

It is funny to think that in today’s world of technology we could possibly be lonely! With Skype, Facetime, social media, apps, WhatsApp or heaven forbid, ringing someone (remember that?)

We have an entire world in our hands every single day, and most of us are addicted to that world confined into that rectangle you are holding or looking at right now. We can access anyone in the world but we are still lonely?

If you think about it, how many friends (and I mean “real” friends) have you got? I am not saying this to be nasty or out of line but I am saying this because the older you get, you can normally count all your friends on one hand. I just counted seven and three of them are either related to me or my partner.

My world in a box! 


It is hard to find genuine friends and to make time for them. When someone does something kind for me, I will always show them by taking round some flowers, text them to tell them or just simply tell them. Because I know how it feels to not have them there.
So, why are we lonely? It could be several reasons but I am here to talk about us Mum’s being lonely as I know first-hand what it is like as I have experienced it, and it seems to be hanging around so many parents; showing no signs of leaving anytime soon.
How can we possibly be lonely when we have a family and kids attached to us 24/7? We speak to other parents? We have all day to go out, do whatever we what and be sociable! But it isn’t as easy as that, is it?

I moved to a new area with a 14-month-old and I didn’t know anyone. All my family and friends were back home and I couldn’t go out anywhere because I can’t drive (and hardly anywhere to walk too!) It was in the six week holidays that I really felt myself slipping down. I remember Jake, my son, playing in the paddling pool in our garden and I was sitting next to him in the sun, crying. I was lucky to be off work in the sunshine with my beautiful boy playing in the water but I had nowhere to go, no one to speak too and felt like my house become a prison. Simon, my partner would walk in through the door and I would talk to him until his poor ears fell off!
I had my Mum at the end of the phone but I lost so many people when I moved – out of sight, out of mind. I just had my Mum, Simon and Jake for months on end. I always try to hide it from Jake too, so I would always put a smile on so he knew no different but I couldn’t always hide it. Those months were the hardest times of my life (and I have been through a lot) plus Jake wasn’t sleeping until 10pm at night so no evening for us (then slept with me all night!) We were glued together all day, every day. I was sad, lonely, going crazy and falling. 

I look happy but I was surviving. 


I started another blog (I am a Mum, get me out of here) just so I could talk to people, went on Netmums and I also asked people online if they wanted to be pen pals. I still speak and write to one now. My days were so long that I used to wait by the window, waiting for the postman to come just see if I had a letter to read! If he walked past my window with nothing, I could feel it in the pit of my stomach.

Now, I am much happier, I have some really good friends, Jake goes to school nearly all week and I have some time for me (plus an evening!) All makes the world of difference. Not forgetting I have Bad Mum, my new baby and the Instagram community that comes with it.
Even if someone has five kids and always appears to be busy that doesn’t mean that aren’t lonely. This person is probably busy being an amazing Mum but who else do they speak too? I think sometimes it is etched onto people’s faces and you can just see when someone is sad, lonely, tired or just needs a good cuddle. I remember feeling like the moment someone asked me if I was OK or just gave me a hug, I would break down.

So, this is where #YoureNotAlone comes into play. I am starting a new campaign and for the next couple of weeks I want people to open up about loneliness by either tagging a friend in the comments so we can all follow them and say hello or take a photo with the #YoureNotAlone tag to show we all get lonely or write about your experiences like I have here. The more we open up, the more we speak about it, the more we show it affects us all, the more we remember it is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about; the more we will feel more comfortable in saying “I feel lonely today”, the more it will help and change the stigma of being alone.

All my photos were taken indoors, just me and Jake. 


Trust me, saying them words are so hard but once you do you will feel like a weight has been lifted and a new door may open or a new friend may appear. Even from speaking to someone in the comments section or sending someone a DM can pass an hour or two; and break the routine. Just reach out and simply say “Hi” to someone or pay that person a compliment as you never know but that simple action could save someone.

Please join in with the #YoureNotAlone campaign and open up, reach out, help one another or just give someone a smile that might need it. I can now say yes, I was very lonely and felt alone and now I never want anyone else to go through that if I can help it.

Follow the #YoureNotAlone movement and give everyone a virtual hug. We are all in the same boat after all. 

Show me your #YoureNotAlone tags! 

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