Bad Mum

Magazine

22 July 2017

Mums Without Limits guide to the perfect girls weekend!


Occasionally, if you’re lucky, you may get an opportunity to dump the kids on Daddy and hotfoot it somewhere (ANYWHERE!!!) with your girlfriends. Mums Without Limits has put together some handy tips to ensure you beast the shit out of your 48 hours sans enfants.

1.       DO prepare a picnic for the journey. And by picnic, I mean those mini bottles of Sauvignon Blanc and premixed cans of gin and tonic a la M&S. And crisps.

2.       DO pack light. The kids aren’t coming so put the family size suitcase down, lady. All you’ll be needing is lipstick, clean knickers and your toothbrush. Sling it in an overnight bag and get the hell out of there.

3.       DON’T be too smug when, as you trot jauntily through the airport / train station, overnight bag swinging gaily on your arm, you see some poor cow staggering along trying to simultaneously push a battered old Maclaren, pull a toddler on a Trunki and balance a baby in a backpack. You’ve been there before, you’ll be there again.

4.       DON’T plan on getting any sleep. Sleep is for losers. You know this. You’re a mother. You’re the queen of no sleep. You do no sleep like a f*cking boss. So suck it up bitches, you need to milk every second of kiddy free time and if that means staying up all night, then so be it.

5.       DO get your flirt on. Before you get all indignant about this one, I’m not suggesting extra marital activity or anything. Of course you love your husband and you’d never do anything like that, blah blah blah… But think about it. You have make up on. And heels. There is no small person clinging to your leg and no snot or vomit on your clothes. It’d be a shame to waste that. And besides, a little harmless interaction with a man who did not impregnate you can do wonders for your confidence. So flirt away. The waiter, the barman, the Uber driver, the French passport control man, those Irish guys on a boys weekend, the guy who’s an amazing dancer (and may or may not be gay, who cares), the economics professor who’s over from New York on sabbatical*…. What goes on tour stays on tour. *These characters are purely fictional and any resemblance to any real life person is entirely coincidental. Honest.

6.       DO remember that you are now thirty or forty something and your drinking abilities are not what they used to be. Ignore this and get a round of Jagerbombs in.

7.       DO make sure you have all the drugs. No, not THOSE drugs. I’m talking a veritable arsenal of Solpadeine, Nurofen, Alka Seltzer, Berocca.... crikey, have a swig of Calpol if it helps. You are now thirty or forty something and are therefore absolutely crap at hangovers.

8.       DO enjoy a leisurely lunch, without anyone spilling a drink / fighting over the iPad / refusing to eat their food / needing a poo (unless you have really shit friends).

9.       DO enjoy your 5 minutes of mummy glory when you arrive home to your loving family and everyone falls over themselves with joy that mummy is home at last! Hurrah for mummy! The children will fling themselves around your neck with glee and Daddy will get all doe eyed and declare ‘I just don’t know how you do it! You’re amazing darling!’ (Disclaimer: this may or may not happen).

10.   DON’T sulk too much when Daddy springs it on you that he’s booked a golf / skiing / rugby weekend away with his mates. Fair’s fair. And you can always start planning the next one….


Written by Mums Without Limits @mumswithoutlimits 


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