30 August 2017

Judgy Judy and the Baby Clique

So recently I had been picking up some vibes from a certain group of women that I know through one of our baby classes. Nothing mean had been said, no outright lines drawn, just a general air of 'off' and I couldn't work out what I had done wrong! This was until I spoke to another Mama from the group that I am particularly close with and she had been feeling the same way. We hashed it out a little between us and realised the main difference between 'us' and 'them' was that we are younger, unmarried (well technically I'm married, just not to my current partner!) and live more simply.
Was this it? Were we being judged for a lack of a ring, some paperwork and a smaller bank balance? Apparently so! Not to stereotype anyone, I hate the whole 'what type of Mum are you?' quiz thing, but what is the deal with these middle class, well educated women reverting to cliquey 1950's housewives while off on Mat Leave?

Every one of them moans the face off about their husbands while out for their twice weekly wine afternoons. Their idea of hardship is having to change cleaners and that their husbands work too many hours in fancy high flying jobs. Maybe that is me being a bit judgy in return but it pisses me off to be looked down on for choosing to live life my own way.

After a tricky breakup with my ex I swore to never settle for someone that didn't make me happy and I was fortunate enough to have found someone in Col that does so every day. We may not have a big house, a cleaner and rings on our fingers but we also don’t have a cross word to say to each other beyond a quick moan about who's turn it is to clean the loo or empty the dishwasher. We make our own priorities and I'd rather have my man around and enjoy each other's company than have him working all the hours of the week and miserable just to pay for fancy things. However if swanky cars and exotic holidays are what is important to someone else then so be it. Each to their own.

Motherhood is hard enough as it is without throwing judgement at other mums for their lack of ring, size of home or job titles. Frenemies who concern themselves with these are drains on our time and energy, and we are all better off without them.

So while I would dearly love to tell Judgy Judy and the gang to fuck off back to their big, sad, beautiful homes and be a mean girl too....I'm just going to cut ties and smile serenely at my mixed up, unconventional, happy little lifestyle. 

PS. If you see me nursing a coffee with my friends, you absolutely CAN sit with us no matter who you are or what your family set up is.

Written by Katie McKenzie @mama_says_blog 


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