11 August 2017


Before I had baby, tiredness had a whole other definition.  A tough night's sleep simply meant that I'd drank too much caffeine (or prosecco) that day and a bad morning was one where I'd forgotten to put my phone on charge, then missed the bus.  A late night was self inflicted, because who wants a good night out to end? The only time I saw 7am was on an early start at work, or when I was just making my way home from a crazy night out. It's safe to say that before becoming a mama I didn't know how good I had it in terms of sleep. I often complained about not getting any sleep because i’d only managed around 6 hours before having to get up, or about a neighbour waking me up by shouting in their garden at 2pm. (Yes you read that right PM). Usually my tiredness stemmed from staying out too long on the ‘rare night out’, because once you're out you might as well make the most of it and keep going until the sun comes up.

Now life is just a little different. A tough night’s sleep now means that I put my head on the pillow for perhaps 3 minutes before I’m woken up by a teething baby. A bad morning is now one where I'm covered in milk, possibly even poop and haven't been able to put the baby down since I picked her up without her screaming like a mandrake from Harry Potter and have been left holding in a pee for hours. A late night is when I've been bouncing a fussy human to sleep for so long that the birds have eventually come out, not because I’ve been having a good time. Very suddenly, 7am has become a late start to our day. Six hours sleep is a luxury and by 2pm, the coffee pot needs refilled. Tiredness now means I'm doing all I can to keep my tiny human happy, healthy and safe. Not a particularly easy task when she insists on diving head first off the couch at any given opportunity. (So far I've caught her just in time). This has resulted in my veins pumping nothing but coffee, because let's face it outside of going for coffee and cake there's not much else for us mama’s to get up to when out with baby without the world judging us. 

Now, I am by no means saying that the tiredness of others is over exaggerated, or that they do not understand what it is to be tired. Nor that the occasions that I claimed to be tired in my old life were in fact big lies. It just has a whole other meaning now than it did two years ago. I still experience the old style from time to time, I still have nights I simply cannot sleep for no other reason than I just can’t. Now, It’s just harder to have a lazy day to make up for all that lack of sleep. I just can't spend the day on the couch feeling sorry for myself. I have to get up, shake it off and chase that little rascal round the house until she eventually sleeps, then i can curl into a ball and hope I'll get some shut eye. But, of course, the days we need baby to rest are the days they need to be near us all day.

It's not all bad though. Some wonderful days, little miss settles down for the night, is asleep before 7pm and doesn't wake until 7am giving me a well deserved, solid night's sleep. And on rare occasions, baby even joins me for an extra hour of so for a snuggle and some extra z’s. Now, I know we’re told not to co-sleep because It's bad for you, for the baby, for the neighbours cat etc. But there isn’t much I won't do to at least pretend that I'm some kind of functioning human, and if giving cuddles in the morning to get an extra forty winks is what’s called for, then that's precisely what I'll do.

There's a reason sleep deprivation has been used as a form of torture.

Love and hugs,
Hayleigh xo

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