29 September 2017

Time for School...By A First Time Mum!

This whole summer I have been so excited for my baby boy to start school (some days more than others!), helping him choose his lunch box, telling him how grown up and handsome he looks in his new uniform and talking to him about all the new adventures he is going to have at big boy school! William cannot wait.....My feelings however, seem to have changed. I've gone from the mum I've always tried to be, you know the one you read about who is happy go lucky, can handle everything thrown at them and still manages to look hot with shiny, snail trails of snot wiped on them, to the anxious, hormonal, emotional wreck of a mum and that feeling in the pit of my stomach is not going away.

It's a bit hypocritical really as I have spent years, as a professional, sending off other parents children to school, telling them how ready they are, how they will enjoy school and not to worry. Sometimes even thinking how they were over reacting about this step that all parents know, from day one, that they will have to take with their children.....but now I don't want to be professional, I'd actually rather just tell William he is staying at home with mummy and we can play Paw Patrol all day! 

Obviously this won't be happening as I have to work, William needs to go to school and after 45 minutes of pretending to be Ryder and calling all pups to the lookout for different emergencies, I do find myself going slightly insane and looking at the wine cupboard at 9am! 

It's just I feel like I've taken all the times we have had together for granted. I find myself thinking the common phrase you will hear all mums say at least once a day 'where did my baby go?' Then I start thinking of what I could of done better...I should of given him more attention over the 12 sandcastles he made on the beach (even though they were all quite naff) and I should of tried to enjoy baking his Paw Patrol cakes together more, even though I was getting royally peed off over the fact he just couldn't seem to get the cake mix in the cake case, but rather over the cake tin, ensuring that I quite clearly was going to have to wash it up, rather than sneaking it back into the oven for the next unsuspecting user (Nanny!)

As much as the sick/worried/anxious feeling is growing, I just hope that I have done the best I can in preparing him for this next stage and in that process, given him some amazing memories as a family. It's going to be difficult at times for both of us, probably more me than William, but it isn't the first hurdle we have had to overcome and I know it won't be the last. On that first day, I need to channel that 'Professional' side in me and make sure William goes into school knowing how proud I am of him, thinking he is going to have the best time and not worrying like his mummy. It's not just a new step for William either; I'm starting my new job. We are both going to be new together and I'm feeling like my 4 year old is handling it a hell of a lot better than me...

Written by Emma @emmalousielodge 


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