Bad Mum

Magazine

9 October 2017

I am not up the duff so don't ask!



I am aware I am fat. I have gone from an 8-10 to a 16. I have no idea how much I weigh but it's a long way off the 9st I weighed 6 months ago.  A lot of the weight is on my boobs and tummy, so yes sometimes it looks like a bump. I'd like to think less so now I've finally given up trying to squeeze into my old clothes and instead swallowed my pride and hidden the 8,10s and 12 clothes at the back of the wardrobe.

So no I am not pregnant. I would dearly love a third. A fact most people who know me are aware of. However my husband is done, I've had hyperemesis once (before Kate made it cool) and postnatal depression twice. Given recent events my husband is too terrified to impregnate me despite my daughter dropping "Jack and Georgia's mums have loads of babies why can't we just have one?" into at least one conversation a week and my son discussing "when God decides we can have another baby..." at regular intervals.

My womb is suitably full of copper coil. There is no chance I am pregnant. I am aware I am fat. You honestly don't need to tell me. I have mirrors in my house.  So no. I am not pregnant. Asking me just makes my heart ache for another baby and makes me feel even worse.

I am not pregnant. I have an unhealthy relationship with ice cream and as there is a rather long wait for therapy, I've chosen chocolate as my interim therapist.  I also eat two breakfasts because I am unending hungry due to my lifesaving medication. That's right, I can be fat or dead. Whilst sometimes I hesitate about which I prefer, currently it's more socially acceptable to be fat.

So no. I'll say it again. I'm not pregnant. In my experience those asking are not skinny either.  Sometimes I feel able to graciously laugh and say "haha, no it's too many pies" whilst dying inside. Other time you may get a silent stare or to my family member who is bigger than me and who's sister I could still fit into one trouser leg comfortably, yes I am upset you asked me. It's none of your business if my womb contains a fetus anyway.

So save yourself a lot of embarrassment (and out of kindness to me) unless you are 100% sure, ie you see her visiting a midwife or she tells you, do not ask if you are pregnant. You don't know the backstory, whether it be a recent miscarriage or life saving medication, asking someone who isn't pregnant if they are is just rude.

Oh and if you are my friend and someone else asks you if I am up the duff, firstly I implore you not to gossip about someone who is paranoid. Secondly, don't tell me that they asked. It really isn't a friendly thing to do.


Cheers!

Written by By Meg who blogs here


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