Bad Mum


17 October 2017

The Great Parenting Myth!

What’s your ideal job? Pilot? Gin taster? PA to Tom Hardy? Has anyone lost count at the amount of times they’ve been told being a mother is the best job in the world and felt slightly underwhelmed? There I said it! I mean don’t get me wrong I love those little sleep deprivers I grew in my own fair tummy but is it unreasonable to feel a bit…. Let down at times?

I’ve been bitten, spat at and seen every episode of sodding Peppa Pig so many times I’d happily eat the spoilt little madam in a roll. This Mum nonsense is rewarding that’s for sure and we forgive every hissy fit and sleepless night at every heart wrenching milestone. It’s amazing! We make people. I still struggle to get my head round that but can we stop laying out these unrealistic expectations for Mums and Dads?

Is it any wonder most of us feel like we’re failing when we’re repeatedly told how much we should be enjoying it? Almost 8 years in and 2 kids later I know there is plenty to enjoy but it comes in time and with training. Once they’ve figure out how they work YouTube on iPad themselves, then we’re laughing!

I love seeing proud Mum pictures and tales of an amazing parents evening but for me it’s about balance. We don’t have to self edit and only share the good moments with others. People need to know it’s OK to not be having the time of their lives every single day. Some days we do craft and bake cakes and others I bribe the kids with biscuits just so I can pee in peace. Some days I don’t even pee I just sit on the toilet and reminisce about sleep. That’s OK too!

This parenting gig can be shitty. Literally at times but this is still a taboo. The more we talk about it the better. I can have 6 amazing days with my cherubs and 1 hellish one but it’s the hellish one that I lie awake thinking of questioning how I could have handled it better. Kids have off days too and sometimes there is no better way of handling it. No one gives us training for how to talk a toddler out of taking a nap in a puddle and there’s something quite draining about saying ‘we do not bite the cat’ 16 times a day. SAS training couldn’t prepare you for any of the stuff we encounter as parents. Kids are just so different and so bloody unpredictable. 

Anyone else got a child who doesn’t like cheese but will eat cheese and tomato pizza? Makes perfect sense right?

There are no hard and fast rules so we are all just winging it. That overused term that’s 100% true. A good friend of mine once confided in me about her counselling sessions. She’s a single mum who suffers from depression and works full time. Her counsellor had set her a task to spend an hour every day with her daughter. Playing, reading or just any quality time. She told me she found the it really  tough and how guilty that made her feel. We constantly chastise ourselves for our feelings but I’m sure after a full day at work we’d all love to just come home and sit in peace for an hour. It’s really ok to not enjoy every moment and is it possible to enjoy it when it’s forced like that? It comes naturally. When I’ve had a good sleep and we're all on good form then we have the best family days. If we’re all exhausted and/or feeling crap it’s just not going to happen.

So if you’re having a bad day and fantasising about about all the things you’d rather be doing like eating (without sharing) or sipping an espresso martini then please don’t feel bad. The fact that we do this job through the teething and the tantrums shows that we care. We can’t help but adore those noisy little creatures but sometimes we can’t ‘perform’ as parents. Sometimes we just can’t entertain all day and on those days put Moana on and have a cuddle. Some of the best memories are made that way.  

Written by Yvonne (@champagneandsnottynoses)


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