28 November 2017

Through Thick and Thin

Where do you fit in? What box do you tick? I’ve been every size from a 10 to a 26 and for me this has been a real eye opener. I was chubby my whole life, pretty much. I thought I was huge and I wasn’t. It never really stood in my way as a size 16/18.

I never gain much in pregnancy but the weight seems to find me afterwards. People told me the weight would fall off as I’d be running about after a baby. What they never told me was you very quickly learn how to hoover a packet of chocolate hob nobs (or chob nobs as I affectionately call them) in a fifteen minute  baby nap. It’s a skill I’m quite proud of as I’ve never really been a the sporty type but when it comes to eating I’m pretty amazing.

 After my first child I piled on the weight and without even blinking I was a 26 within 6 months of having lewis. I was a 25 year old single parent with very little time and too many takeaway numbers so it was an easy but very slippery slope.

When it came to weaning I though ‘fuck’ this is no way of life for a baby and I realised I needed to get my shit together… and I really did. Within 14 months I lost over 8 stone. Partly through willpower and determination but mostly a huge ‘Fuck you!’ to my ex. Nothing says I’m over you like a full body transformation right?

I was a size 10 briefly and most definitely at my most unhappy. I had a nice figure for once and all it brought was unwanted attention and an obsession to maintain it. Where’s the fun in looking good if you can’t go out and enjoy it for fear of gaining a few lbs? It’s wasn’t something I could maintain and I questioned everyone that wanted to know the thinner me.

I was dumped harshly as an 18 year old girl by a man (or boy rather) who was seriously punching. I hate that term but he was. I may have been chubby but he had the charm and charisma of a 3 day dead goldfish. He slept with my much thinner (ex) friend days after we split. At my lightest he sent me a late night Facebook message basically saying now I looked more appealing – to him that he’d like to have ‘some fun’. Typically I replied with ‘bitch please! You wish!’. See it seems to be more socially acceptable to have a thin girlfriend. I doubted every man that wanted to talk to me and often asked myself if they would have care for the cuddlier version of me.

 At my largest I was treated as lazy regularly and as size 16 I find woman are nicer to me. Odd it may seem but as an average size woman I seem more relatable. As a size 10 single mum, married woman seemed convinced I was after their husband. It’s really wasn’t a pleasant experience for me and FYI ladies if you’re that insecure then you married the wrong man.

I’ve always been confident in myself but I’m only human. I find flaws with myself and I’m always a work in progress. I’m far more secure in my 30s than I’ve ever been. Partly due to experience, producing two amazing kids and finding respect for my body but also down to marrying a man who is by far my biggest supporter. That certainly helps.

I look at bloggers and plus size accounts on social media and think we’ve came such a long way but then I read some idiotic comment or article and it reminds me we’ve got such a long way to go. When I was a size 12 someone saw a picture of a size 26 me and declared ‘you were a munter’. It was genuinely meant as a compliment but it cut life a knife. I liked who I was even then and to me I’ll always be the same person. Just with a slightly different exterior. *disclaimer* if you’re reading this and it was you I still love you and know it wasn’t meant to hurt. I suppose that person was just saying what many thought.

That’s what’s sad really. We are the size we wear. I have friends in all shapes and sizes and I don’t even see it really. I see a pack of hot, sassy woman and that makes them all hot as fuck in my eyes and I know they think the same of me.

So what do we do? Firstly stop with that fat insults. It’s lazy and makes you look stupid. Raise your kids to appreciate the human form in any shape or size. Stop putting yourself down and wear what makes you happy. Don’t dress for your size or age, dress for you. Personality is most important but looks are subjective. We don’t all have to look the same and thank fucking God for that! It’s really ok not to aspire to look like a Kardashian. Just be you! FYI I think the Kardashian’s are hot. I’m a hippy body lover but my eyesight is fine. Different is also good too. Whatever works for you. My style is 8 day old hair and red lips but I feel like it works for me so it’s all good.


1 comment

  1. What a fabulous article Yvonne! People should take us as they find us but they always make judgements and it says more about their insecurities than ours!
    You rock and are very brave to have done this and I salute you. You are gorgeous and sassy and are taking the stance of sod you and being proud! If it only helps one person then you've done a great job!! I think it's brilliant stuff!! X


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