Bad Mum

Magazine

1 December 2017

SHOUT OUT TO THE SINGLE MUM’S

I suppose this should actually be a shout out to all "single parents" not just the mum's but they are the ones I know more about. It's quite a personal blog from me today. I've been a single mum nearly three years now...and after three years, it really does feel like the first chapter of my new life is drawing to a close and a new one is about to begin. These few years have been terrifying a lot of the time, but the years I've been proudest of so far in my grown up life and I've learnt so much about myself and others through the process. Maybe you or someone you know is in the same boat...if so, here are some things that I thought I'd share that I wish I'd seen a couple of years ago...You can do it!



Of course, you don't think you can, it's all too big and scary. I hated people telling me "you can do it"...but the reality is that you have to do it because there really isn't any other option so because you have to, you will. Just. Keep. Going.

About a year ago there were inspirational quotes all over the tube in London and every morning one would stare at me from the grubby wall at Regents Park station from Robert Frost saying "The only way around is through"...I felt it had been put on that wall just for me.

You will find out who your friends are.

This has been the biggest surprise to me. In the early days of singleness there was a flurry of interest, I felt overwhelmed with the apparent love and support from people but then a lot of them drifted off. However, there were a hardcore left who despite all my crying, moaning and general mad behaviour stuck beside me. We all have these friends but it sometimes takes a massive crisis to get to remember how completely ace they are. Some will get you drunk, some will listen to you crying on the phone on the train and tell you they love you, some will tell you not to be such a pussy, some will tell you to write a blog, some will send you a silly postcard with a cat on, some will pick your kids up from school and feed them so you can work even more and some will even turn a blind eye and not say a word when you get off with your hairdresser...

These pals are in it all with you, God bless the lot of them...never take them for granted.

You will become more selective in your relationships

I'm talking about all sorts of relationships here...when you are in a situation where you are just you and your kids, you will want to protect it. All negative relationships that don't serve you will need to go.

People will say very annoying things

They mean well nearly all the time but...I think my favourite's are:

"I know exactly what you're going through, my husband is away ALL the time".......erm....no, it's not the same....

"You're so lucky you get a couple of nights off a week when the kids are with their dad!".....nothing can make you feel sadder or lonelier than when the house is empty and you miss your kids.

"How do you cope! Must be so hard!"...no shit....

"Have you met a new man yet?!"....don't even go there!

What would be more useful just for future reference in case it's helpful is:

"Text me when you've got the kids to bed and I'll be round with wine and curry"

"You are doing a bloody amazing job"

"Is there anything you need?"

All parents amaze me, it's the hardest job in the universe, the single ones, the married ones, the same sex ones, the teenage ones, the older ones, the working ones, the stay at home ones...we all have our own problems to deal with. So just keep rocking it gang, we're all in this together.

Written by Becky @midwife_nextdoor 


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