Bad Mum

Magazine

31 January 2018

The Sisterhood

What do you do when your friend is going through one of the toughest times in her life and your very presence makes her feel worse?

Procreation is supposedly the most natural thing in the world. Why then can the process be a cruel, heart breaking, mind altering experience? I’ve been lucky, so unbelievably lucky. I’ve never known the sorrow of waiting for months, or years, to see that little blue cross appear on a little white stick. I’ve never known the heartbreak of a pregnancy ending too soon. I’ve never known the strength it takes to deal with the news there’s something wrong with your baby.



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Monthly Horoscopes by Russell Grant for February


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Who’s afraid of the big bad opinion?

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28 January 2018

Online Friendship

People in this day and age seem to be a lot more comfortable with the idea of relationships being made through the internet. It's apparently the second most common way to meet your other half and parent meetups such as Mush and Mummy Social are becoming increasingly popular ways to meet other local mums. But there still seems to be an almost 'comedy' element attached to online friendships with people you've never met and people can think it's quite odd!




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25 January 2018

The Parenting advice I wish I read





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Extra time please!

In the early hours of Monday 7th November, less than 24 hours after the birth of my daughter Aarya I was informed by the doctor on duty in the NICU unit that she needed to be moved to a Level 2 hospital. The care she needed couldn’t be offered in our birth hospital. Sadly, it wasn’t available in the other hospitals in Leicester either due to them already being over their number limits.



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Next time just say 'Hello'



Having given birth to my second child a couple of months ago, I started to think about taking him to some kind of group. I wanted to make some new Mum friends and for him to have his own set of baby friends.

My daughter is almost 3 and I already have a set of friends with children her age. One of them also has a newborn, born a few weeks before my son.


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22 January 2018

Lessons From a New Dad. Part 1.

I’ve been a Dad for 3 months. I’m almost certain that I am now qualified to tell you everything you need to know about parenting. In those 3 months, I’ve seen my baby blossom from a tiny crying, pooing blob of delightfulness to a slightly larger crying, pooing blob of delightfulness.

From my experiences so far, I want to share some things that I have learned.

1. Babies Aren't That Fragile



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20 January 2018

The pursuit of happiness....


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Do Single Dads Have It Easier Than Single Mums?

I'll be honest. When I was first thinking about the difference between single mums and single dads, it was in relation to how much easier the dads have it. Not in so much the day to day stuff. That's going to be the same struggle. You're on your own and the same jobs still need to get done whether you're male or female! But easier for single dads as they are less judged by society than a single mother is. How they are often seen as 'brave' to be raising their children alone, seen as strong and heroic rather than a blot on society. That I imagine they can hold their head high with less stigma attached. Yes, in my head both single mums and dads were doing it alone, struggling with similar issues but treated quite differently.

Siblings. Besties. Single parents.
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16 January 2018

“Mummy why don’t you work?”


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Dancing in the Moonlight

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Feature: Slimming World Recipe!

Who doesn’t love a creamy carbonara?

Especially when it’s SYN FREE and I actually prefer this to the one I used to make, pre SW!

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14 January 2018

Scream If You Want to Go Faster

Living so rurally means we have to travel in the car nearly every day.  Our nearest supermarket is a 20 minute drive away and our GP surgery is a 15 minute drive so, for us, having a car really isn’t a luxury.  There is a bus service that covers our village but for some inexplicable reason it will pick you up from the village but there’s no return service so once you’re out, you’re …well… out for good. 

You’d think given the epic amount of time the children and I spend in the car we’d have automobile transportation down to a fine art but, sadly, that’s where you’d be wrong.

Children in cars
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12 January 2018

The lonely mums club...

In October 2015 I joined the loneliest club of all.. or so I thought at the time. My baby was stillborn, there’s no play group or singing group you can go to when this happens to you. Left with an empty saggy belly, sore boobs (amongst other things) and no baby it was hard to know which way to turn.

Betty’s death was unexplained. In a nutshell after a straightforward pregnancy she died, 6 hours after a growth scan (at which she was very much alive and well) whilst we were waiting to be checked into the hospital for induction. To explain how this feels is still almost impossible. Looking back now it still seems like a dream, but it happened and it has been the biggest, most life altering event of my life to date. It’s showed me I have a strength I never knew existed, it’s shown me how precious life really is and ultimately it’s shown me how much of a taboo subject child loss really is. 

Before me, I knew one person this had happened too - I had, like most of us read stories and magazine articles about it but I just never thought it would happen to me. When you are tossed into a club you never  asked to be in, given leaflets you don’t want to read, asked to pick songs for the funeral of your child that you never got to know, asked what colour coffin you would like when you should be sat, snuggled, tired and exhausted but in love staring at your squishy newborn. People ignore you, or talk to you but gloss over the whole thing, or talk to you and then end up saying the wrong thing. You feel alienated. You feel even more alone and all you want is your baby, the one that died, not a new one that everyone tells you you can go on to have. 



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11 January 2018

Slipping Through My Fingers

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Feature: Made For Parents

11 Toddler snack ideas


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Beating the January Blues

The decorations are down. The tree has finally made it outside. Most of the chocolate, cheese and biscuits have been demolished. I'm back at work and we're back to the usual routine. Christmas is most definitely done!

January can feel a bit bloody depressing if you ask me. Gone are the relaxing PJ days of the Christmas holidays, getting up when you like (or at least when the kids like), films watched while being snuggled under a blanket and the joy of chocolate for breakfast... Back to the rush and madness of getting my daughter up, dressed and to nursery on time while simultaneously trying to make sure I don't look like an utter tramp for work. Fun times. And to top it off, it's cold, wet and grey.


It's so cooooold!! 

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10 January 2018

What Not to Say to a New Mother.

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Advice, opinions, judgement!

Why does becoming a Mum make a woman so opinionated? I don’t mean in the friendly, I’m your friend and I’ll give you advice so you can make an informed decision kind of way. I mean the type that makes you feel undermined or like you’re not doing a good enough job or the ‘right’ thing by your child.
Photo of mother and child

I became a Mum for the first time towards the end of 2016. I always knew there’d be people dishing out advice, and I assumed a lot of them would be people that had their babies years ago. Like everything in life, things change. New research comes to light and we are advised new things all the time to keep our babies healthy and safe.

But one my biggest bug bears over the past 14 months has been the number of women who are also first time Mums or not even Mums at all, dishing out advice or having a totally irrelevant opinion. None of which is based on fact!



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A tale of two births



Childbirth is something I don't think we talk about enough.


Let’s face it, it’s pretty rough, highly undignified and the majority of the time the focus is on your vajazzle.


However, childbirth is HUGE!! It’s so much more than waking up to the Facebook picture of a cute baby. The person who has given birth to that baby has been through hell.... literally blood, sweat and tears. It deserves recognition, not to be swept under the carpet.    


I underestimated how much the birth would affect me mentally, I was too focussed on whether I would poo myself and if my ladybits would be ruined forever!
I was pretty naive I admit. I didn’t really have a lot to go on. Basically, two of my friends had had their babies with just gas and air, and someone else had recommended a tens machine. So, in terms of preparation... I was all set.


What. An. Idiot.


The tens machine was f**king useless for a start. I threw up like a million times (totally unprepared for that) and the pain was all in my back, so sitting or lying down were beyond excruciating. Which is not helpful when the midwife/doctor wants to examine you!!


Before labour I had said my absolute worst case scenario would be a cesarean. Anyway, after 16 hours of labour (a lot of gas and air and a few drugs) it still did not look like this baby was on its way out, so down to surgery I went.


As for a c section being called ‘the easy option’...I'm not so sure. If lying on a bed, naked from the waist down, pumped full of drugs, being sliced open, while you are awake, and wondering if in a minute you might feel something, as two strangers pull at your insides is 'easy' I must have missed something.


On the plus side I didn't poo myself AND my lady bits were all (relatively) untouched. Every cloud eh?


Just the 6 weeks of no lifting, driving, walking or pram pushing to get through..... like I said... not so easy.


Second time around, I could have chosen to have another c section, but in a ridiculous way I felt like I hadn't had the full child birth experience. In all honesty, I felt like a failure, and felt envious of people who had had 'normal' births. Call me crazy, but I wanted to know what it felt like to push out a baby! There have been times since where I regretted this. Hobbling around Sainsbury's just over a week after birth number 2, a tube of Anusol in my trolley, was probably one, but on the whole I am pleased I gave it another go.


This time I said my worst case scenario would be forceps.... or an episiotomy. Ouch!! Just the word makes me cross my legs!!! It wasn't so much the pain either, it was more the thought of someone taking a scalpel to my intimate area... what would I be left with??


Well, guess what?! I had the pleasure of BOTH! My vajazzle sliced AND my baby wrenched out of me, by his head. Good one!


I wonder if next time, if I say my worst case scenario would be the baby teleporting itself out of my womb and into the cot, followed by a lottery win.... it would happen?! Ha! Well there won’t be a 'next time' and if there is I will be keeping my mouth well and truly shut.  


So.. two births... two lots of stitches... two scars. It’s almost like my children were not happy unless they left their mark. A little sign that says 'we were here', well cheers kids... mummy is really grateful.


An episiotomy and c section are pretty similar... but in one way they differ. One of them... you can talk about.... the other... is like the unmentionable!!!


When you have a c section people will ask how you are healing, they make sure you take it easy, and offer their services, because really, you've had a major operation.


Not so much with the other. People don't want to ask about it, which is fair enough, how do you say 'how's your fanny' in a nice way? So basically, you just have to grin and bear it.


So there you have it, my tale of two births.


All births are different, some lucky sods have 2 hour labours without so much as a stitch. Some have 2 day labours, with the works. It doesn't really matter, but I personally think it’s important to talk about them rather than be embarrassed. I know people give birth every day, but it really is quite a big event in someone’s life. Just because it involves talking about bits, it shouldn't be taboo.


It’s a massive event, and at times it can be pretty bloody scary, it’s good to offload all these feelings. Some people can even suffer from post traumatic stress after birth. So don’t feel like you can’t talk about it. Tell anyone who will listen, and if you feel like you are still a bit traumatised, tell your health visitor. Just because your best friend, or next door neighbour, breezed through it and was doing their weekly shop in Tesco 2 days later looking the picture of health, it doesn’t mean you should be.


I hope I haven't scared any mums to be, not my intention, but childbirth is what it is. There is no getting away from it, but (and you will hear this a million times) the truth is, its 100% worth it.

Author: Laura @mum_bore

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9 January 2018

A New Year’s Resolution: Improving Yourself and Your Family Life

The holiday season is in full swing and if you have finished your shopping and decorating, you’ve probably started thinking about your New Year’s resolutions. Unfortunately, we all know that more often than not, those resolutions get broken. Therefore, this time, make some promises that include not just you but your whole family as well – promises that are too amazing not to be kept. If you need a bit of inspiration, here are some resolutions you should consider.

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8 January 2018

New Friends


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A(nother) Post About Racism

Here I am, writing another post about racism. I'm still not entirely sure if it's OK for me to write about racism, what with me being white and all. I recognise that I have white privilege, and it's hard to write about racism from that vantage point. I don't experience racism personally, and I don't know how it feels to have grown up on the flip side of white privilege. I am learning and processing, and this post will show you that I am very much on the beginner's trail here. I'm sure to anyone reading who has lived experience of racism, this example will show how naive I've been because it has shocked me so much.
Our nephew had a horrible experience on the bus yesterday, his ticket was taken and thrown away by the driver who claimed he wasn't entitled to a child's ticket (for under 16s. He's 15) This escalated into a huge scene where the driver became aggressive, towards a 15 year old boy travelling alone, with no extra money for another ticket and in freezing temperatures where he couldn't walk the just-over 4 miles home. I have to question whether this would have escalated this way if he had been white. I'm not alone in this, one other passenger from the bus (who had offered to pay an adult fare for my nephew, but the driver refused this offer) stayed with him until his mum could come and offered herself as a witness as she also felt it was a racist incident.
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7 January 2018

Are Mummy Friends Real Friends?

Since I started wearing the Mummy badge over three years ago I’ve acquired a growing number of Mummy friends.  We all know being a Mum can be a lonely existence, days filled with nappy changes, feedings and windings can all roll into one and, for me, getting out the house and meeting other Mum’s has always been a life saver.  It’s not just a sanity saver with a newborn, even now with a hyperactive pre-schooler charging about, meeting up with Mummy friends allows the mini me’s to tire each other out whilst us Mum’s attempt to hold an adult conversation.  

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4 January 2018

3 January 2018

Feature: Slimming World Recipe!

I love soup buuuuut I’m a soup snob!

I hate tinned soup and will always try and make my own.

Most of the time it actually works out cheaper in the long run too!

See below for my syn free soup recipe, perfect winter warmer and great for SP days.

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