Bad Mum

Magazine

4 February 2018

Diversify your village



People are always shocked to learn my best friends don't have kids. As if we're on some sort of opposite teams. Montague and Capulet style. It's not the case. We're most definitely on the same team. I've known these girls forever. When you have kids you lose a lot of friends. Nothing separates the wheat from the chaff like having a baby but these ladies have stood the test of time. Poor buggers!

It takes a village to raise a child but that village isn't exclusive to fellow parents. We need to stop overlooking people with no kids. It's too easy to assume they don't want to be involved in 'kid' stuff but how would we feel if our kidless ladies didn't include us in their lives? People often say people who don't have kids can't advise on kids and I totally disagree. Unsolicited advice is always bullshit but some of the best advice I've received was from my childless girls. Sometimes it's nice to get a view from a completely different perspective.

These 3 amazing girls take the time out their day to read my WhatsApps bitching about my kids, they have taken calls where I'm crying down the phone and the kids are screaming in the background while they're at work trying to get their own shit done. They supported me when I was on my own, through many ridiculous dating experiences and still continue to support me now that I'm married. They have their own lives with their own commitments but they always make time for me. They even keep me in the loop with current music etc. These girls keep me young! We're a team and it works!

They listen to me gush when the kids are exceptionally amazing and welcome all my biased Mum pics. They come to my kids parties because they want to. They've even organised some of them. It isn't put on. They love my kids and my kids love them. They're part of our family. They're the cool aunties who spoil them every Christmas and birthday with things I'd never dream of buying them. Thanks for that play doh Charis! They take precious time out their busy lives to spend quality time with my babies. In order to give me some peace. They even enjoy it. On days when they could be drinking cocktails willy nilly they do a child friendly lunch with me and my kids instead. That shit doesn't go unnoticed.

My husband loves them too which is a bonus. I had to marry him because he's the only man all 3 have agreed on. True story!

Mum friends are amazing and they can relate but it saddens me to see a sort of us and them with people who don't have kids. We mattered before we had kids and my girls matter. We will continue to exist once our kids fly the nest so I think we need to remember that we're more than just Mums. We're all people. Having kids isn't the only valid achievement in life. These ladies have careers and can pee whenever they like but never once have they looked down their noses at me for being the Mum who sits lusting over Mr Bloom with unwashed hair all week.

If my ladies ever do decide to go down the motherood
 path I'll be over the moon. I'll buy their kids noisy toys and teach them every nursery rhyme I know. I won't love them any more though, I couldn't if I tried.

It's easy for me to look at their lives and think it's easy for them. Truth is life is never easy. Everyone has their stumbling blocks and they're just as important as ours. All our problems and worries are relevant.

Build your village ladies. The more diverse it is the better. Let's not exclude anyone. We're the first to complain when places aren't child friendly so let's remember that. We're all friends.

Yvonne @champagneandsnottynoses x



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