4 February 2018

Ladies just play nice

Every morning I watch the news and every morning there is a new item which is in some way about women's rights, all are highlighting the gender divide that we are fighting hard to diminish. Yesterday it was about the BBC and the gender pay gap, today was whether there should be a ban on women flaunting around the ringside in sporting matches. 
We are definitely in the midst of some kind of revolution and it excites me so much that within our grasp and most definitely our daughter futures that equality will happen. 
There are huge hurdles that we need to overcome and many of them are not directly in our control (although we can vote, march and write about what we want to happen), what we can control though is our own actions, and what I want to highlight in this blog is how us women treat each other. To cut to the chase, I think we need to be much kinder.

Almost daily I hear about a situations where women haven’t supported one another, not just mothers, all women, but the majority of females I surround myself with are mums (it comes with the territory). Today a friend posted on Instagram about how she was sat in cafe and was appalled by what she could hear around her, a mum struggling with her screaming baby and other mothers looking on and tutting, I mean, fucking tutting!!!! What did their babies never scream? Or do they feel they should be allowed to have their £4.25 oat milk latte in peace because they had already done the school run and so quiet should be a given for them. This mum should have been shown support by men and women around her, buy her a coffee? Tell her she is doing a great job? 

Its common though and not just at baby stage, I have heard on more than one occasion hostility arising between mums at school over the politics of the PTA. Yes that's right, the charity organisation that people give up their spare time to help with so that money is raised for our children's education. 
Now I am not talking about a bit of low level freezing out for a mum who due to ill health or a divorce or a new job could no longer help out with the fundraising, she has literally been shunned from most of the school social circles, her children have stopped getting invites to parties and she can't remember the last time a child accepted one of her play date invites. I mean come on now, what is this? Mean Girls? I can only assume that the mums are insanely jealous of the one who managed to get away!!

Jealousy if definitely an issue with women, and I recently wrote a piece about comparison parenting and I think this can happen between mums too. I have heard mums in the playground criticise other mums clothes, that they have too much makeup on or even that they are just too perfect. I just don’t get it? I can only think that there is an element of the green eyed monster when it comes to comments like this. I am not saying I am not guilty of this kind of situation but it has taken me looking at my own actions to realise it’s quite common place.

How are any of these acts in line with female solidarity? We try to instill into our children to be kind, and I for one insist that they never exclude anyone (although whether they do when my back is turned is anyone's guess). 
I just think we all need to be kinder, if this was the playground and your child couldn’t do dance club anymore because they had a broken arm would you then want them to excluded from their friendship groups? No you wouldn’t! And when you had a screaming baby in Costa and you hadn’t slept for what felt like a year, would you want to be tutted? I actually praise the mum for not lamping the tutters instantly.

Kindness and smiles cost nothing, it’s a hard slog this mummy business and no we are not all going to love each other and walk around holding hands, but being mean is a NO NO in the sisterhood. Lets stop this, our children will learn from it and karma is a bitch.

Written by Jo Johnson (AllTheFamily) 

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Twitter @allthefamily


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