Bad Mum

Magazine

1 February 2018

Their life will never change as much as yours.



When you start this parenting lark, there is a lot of stuff no one tells you. For good reason, I'm sure. One of those things is that your life, as a Mother, will change dramatically more than your partners. 

From the minute you see that blue line on the test, your life changes. Suddenly you are 'with child', you are no longer just you... its you...plus one.
There are an ENDLESS list of things you are advised not to do. Then there's the morning/ all day sickness, the sore boobs, the swollen ankles, the popped out belly button, the stretch marks, the sweating, the moods, the bad skin, the extra hair (wtf?!), the heartburn, the backache...... the list is endless.

They also have none of the anxiety that comes with being pregnant. Forever questioning your every decision, Spending hours on google... Can you eat mayonnaise?... Can you dye your hair? .... How often should the baby move? What cheeses am I not allowed to eat (again)? ... and this is probably just one mornings worth of searches. I kid you not.

Your partners life also changes..... a bit. They will spend the next 8 months being congratulated by their mates, and you will now be their taxi. Good one.

Never mind when d day gets nearer and nearer and you are scared shitless about the impending birth, and what might happen, while they are busy packing a bag full of magazines, drinks and sweets and asking you if the hospital will have wifi, like it’s some kind of bloody holiday!!!

After the birth, your partner has their paternity leave, and you're in a kind of bubble. You are on a high after the birth, have a gorgeous new baby, everyone is visiting and buying you stuff, and because you are spending all your time together as this little threesome you feel like you are totally in this together, it’s not so hard after all, and life is amazing.

Then you remember.... your partner has to return to work, and you will be left alone, with the baby.

*POP* Bubble well and truly burst!

They can no longer help you out at night because 'they have to get up for work' whereas you only have to get up and lounge on the sofa all day in your PJ's looking after a baby. *rolls eyes*

Their life starts to slowly resemble what it was before.

Your life, does not even SLIGHTLY resemble what it was before. and neither does your body!! They don't have the raging hormones, the leaking boobs, the sore nipples, the piles, and the tummy so wobbly you could literally hide stuff in there!

You no longer work, and are suddenly chucked into this world of Motherhood, where there is no job role outline, no pay, no time off and you pretty much have no fricking idea what you are supposed to do.

Nope, they are pretty much EXACTLY the same, just a little sleep deprived.

(Ok, so they probably didn't have to come home to a crying wife and screaming baby before.... but that's by the by.)

4 weeks post birth your husband will be on a stag do, and again, there you are, home alone with a baby.

11 weeks later you will go to a wedding, you will leave early with the baby to go back to the hotel. Your husband will stay out and get pissed with his mates, and the next morning throw up in the car on the way home.

15 weeks later they will have a Christmas night out with work. You will have a gingerbread latte in the local coffee shop with your mum (and the baby).

.... and so it goes on.

I am not trying to make out my other half is a selfish twonk, if the roles were reversed, I'm sure I'd probably do the same. I’m just saying that’s kind of the way it is.

So if you are feeling a bit ripped off with this parenthood malarky, you are not alone.

Don’t worry though, your time will come. One day, when the baby isn’t hanging off your boob, and staying awake past 9pm doesn’t fill you with horror, you can cash in!!

Oh yes!! You are now a lifetime member of the tired mums club, and when you want a night off, day off, hour off, weekend off, you think about all of the above, and you make sure you bloody well get it!!!


You deserve it!

Author: Laura @mum_bore
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