Bad Mum

Magazine

13 March 2018

Pushy Mums Club




I haven’t met a mother yet who hasn’t had a moan up about someone or other on this topic. Are you a pushy parent? Maybe you’re unaware that you are? Do you think it has benefits to be a pushy parent?

Whatever field you are in there will always be those people who set out to compete. It honestly drives me crazy. In school it starts with competitive sports and grades. In adulthood you have to encounter competitive colleagues in the workplace and sadly nothing changes when it comes to parenting (and even worse in friendships).

It starts immediately after giving birth. You know the ones that can’t wait to announce how they popped one out in just four hours on gas and air (anyone would think they get a medal at the end). Then how amazing they’re doing with breast feeding, then the sleeping through, potty training, walking, crawling... you name it, there will be a mum who can’t wait to overshare with you how her baby is doing so much better whilst you feel like you just about muddle through.

It doesn’t stop there. This mantra follows on with school where once more people can’t wait to drop into conversation how advanced their little one is (like they actually think you care). One thing I have  noticed is that too many people seem to have an unhealthy interest in what your kids are doing so they can make comparisons. I cannot tell you how many times I got asked by other patents in my eight year old’s class how her parents evening went. They may as well just ask outright "well? Where is your child in comparison to mine?". Sorry if this makes me sound like a heartless cow but I honestly couldn’t give a toss about how your child is doing. All I care about is my own. It wouldn’t even enter my head to wonder how other kids are doing so why are people so concerned with other people’s business?

“A little competition is healthy” they say but for me it doesn’t come with my persona as a Mother. Maybe it was due to the possibility of realising that at 30 weeks pregnant with our precious bundle we had to learn and come to terms with the fact that she may be severely handicapped due to abnormality in her brain anatomy. After being born early and being a neo natal baby, thankfully there were no obvious signs but every milestone she has reached, albeit delayed, has just been enough for us and made us so proud. At two years old my daughter still wasn’t walking. After ruling out any conditions preventing her from doing so with gruelling tests, she finally did it in her own time. To see her walking when we thought we may never, to us was a huge miracle and relief. She started school and no-one knew what age she started walking, she was just walking like the rest of her peers. So does it matter who in the class started walking first? So maybe I’ve never made the comparisons because we just went at our own place and couldn’t compare her to anyone else. If you' never had to face heart-breaking situations, worry and uncertainty with your children be it gestational or post birth then you’re truly blessed.

So maybe you can see how pushy parents are my pet hate. There is much more to being a parent than letting everyone know (usually on social media) about your children’s achievements.  I wish sometimes parents would promote friendships as much as they do beating so and so the front of the queue. Social achievements should be celebrated too.

Written by Cressida @the_chic_petite 


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