Magazine

14 January 2019

5 Things I Wish I'd Known...

My names Francesca, I have a set of 3-year-old twin boys and a 1-year old little girl. I do not see myself as a parental, blogging expert, nor do I wish to be. I’m merely just a mum wishing I’d been told about these tiny, golden gems of advice…
1.       We’ll start off basic; Parenting Guides/books, the “What To Expect” kinda thing. You don't need it. Unless you want it. I mean, I’m not here to tell you what to do, I just think they’re a waste of money. Mainly because your baby WON’T do all of these things, at these times. The only guarantees your baby has:  eat, sleep, crap and cry, then repeat times a million. And honestly, you shouldn’t need a book to tell you how to deal with that. Obviously, there can be hidden issues like silent reflux and colic etc, but let’s be real, you’ll “google it” in the middle of the night whilst your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/lover/dog blissfully snores next to you. Don’t worry hun, you got this. And, I can say this because I was the mug who bought the books and they’re all mind-numbingly boring, if you want a book that resembles anything ‘parenty’ and funny and real, then check out “Parenting The Shit Out of Life” by Mother and Papa Pukka. Its insanely good.
2.       *UNPOPULAR OPINION* A “Mama” tribe/clique/gang/club. I don’t have one (at least, I’m pretty sure I don’t). I had one. And then I was shamefully ghosted from it. LOLZ. And you guys thought that kinda shit only happened in the dating world. Welcome to 2019. Sorry, I digress. I just don’t feel like you really need one, mainly because they can be judgey and competitive; “my baby sleeps FIFTEEN hours a night. EVERY night”, “my baby only eats ORGANIC, homemade food. WITHOUT a fuss”, “I would ONLY ever breastfeed”, “Ugh, you SHOULD only ever bottle feed” … Oh my god, I don't care. Do you get the picture and am I painting it right? Probably not. But you can see where I’m coming from? It’s a minefield. An intense minefield where, as a mother, you feel horridly pressured and you feel like you’re doing it ALL WRONG unless you do EXACTLY what Susan says. But wtf does she know any way?! Just do YOU, hun. Do you and focus on YOUR baby, no one else’s opinion should matter (she says, giving you her opinion. Awks.), I feel exactly the same about baby groups too. I’ve been to them, I’ve tried to love them.
3.       To “Snap back” five days after you’ve birthed your baby. Get. A. Grip. After I had my twins, I lived by the mindset “9 months on, 9 months off” and even that was bullshit. I had a completely different life then, to what I do now. I lived in a city, I had no car, I worked full-time, walked everywhere and ate very little, albeit healthily. So yes, my baby weight fell of pretty quickly post-birth. Fast forward to now and I’m 12 months postpartum and I’m still carrying the majority of my “baby weight”. Do I care? Yes. Is it important? No. What is important is the fact that I enjoy my life. I am lucky enough that my husband earns enough money so that I can stay at home and raise our children (I can FEEL your judgey eyes already!). Enjoy your babies. Don’t waste your time obsessing over people/celebrities on social media, the majority of what you see is BS and you know this. Just be healthy, mindful and grateful for what you have in front of you and around you. This takes us onto my next point…
4.       Negativity. Get that shit out of your life. NOW! I can say this confidently because it’s not something anyone needs in their life, I know you can’t eradicate it completely, but you can choose the level that you tolerate. My old boss was a cockwomble, so I left my job. My ex resembled Voldemort, an abusive arsehole, so I left. If people disrespect me, bring drama, bad vibes or snake like behaviour into my life, I leave. We can’t be friends. I don’t need that in my life and I sure as hell, won’t expose my children to that kinda thing. Bye Felicia.
5.       Last but not least. Try not to worry. We're all doing the best we can. The bad days don’t equate to a bad life. Our babies love us, despite the guilt we're feeling post bedtime, they won’t remember the days we shouted a bit more, or the times we spent a little too long scrolling insta. They’ll just remember the fact we were there, the snuggles we gave and the love that we show them. Babes, we got this.

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